I AM A NEW YORK JETS FAN...

and have been for as long as I can remember.  Do you know what that's like?  I doubt it.  Let me explain... and if you don't know anything about sports, or even like them, that's weird, but don't you think it's about time you did?

The Jets, historically, are a one-hit wonder and have been flirting with mediocrity ever since.  So being a JETS fan is kind of like... Hmm... Let's say you are a huge Jack Nicholson fan after his OSCAR winning performance in "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest" and then he re-routes his career to do late night SKINEMAX flicks.  It would be hard to stick with him, right?  Unless you were a 13 year old boy with cable in your room, wondering why they keep showing that dude from Cuckoo's ASS.  Well maybe that was a bad comparison...  Maybe it's more like being an "Ace of Base" fan.  They come out with this song, "THE SIGN" (love that track by the way) and not one hit follows.  Everyone thought they would be the next ABBA; it just never happened. 

Coming from the greater New York area has not helped my confidence through the years.  The New York FOOTBALL GIANTS have won 3 Super Bowls during my lifetime and lost 1.  The JETS... 0.  The Jets haven't even been to one.  They won it long ago when being a hippy was still cool.  Needless to say, I was not alive.  And when it comes to BASEBALL, most Jets fans are METS fans, not YANKEE fans.  If you know anything about baseball, this hasn't been an easy ride either.  The Mets won the World Series once in 1986, and were later waxed by their cross town rivals in a 5 game Series in 2000.  The Yanks have been to the Series 7 times since I was born, winning on 4 of those trips.  Those fucking PINSTRIPES get you every time.

Before I was born (long before), the Jets were HOLLYWOOD.  The JETS were COOL.  They had BROADWAY Joe Namath.  This guy was the coolest alcoholic ever.  He was wearing mink coats on the sidelines and flashy shoes.  He slept with actresses and super-models.  And most importantly, he played the game with a certain SWAGGER that could not be paralleled at the time.  He predicted that the JETS would win the Super Bowl back in 1968, and they did just that.  What a MASHER.  We haven't had a Superstar at the helm, well, since last year.

Last year they did everything they could to get perennial ALL PRO and legendary Quarterback, Brett Favre, in a trade.  It looked like the best move ever at first, but it didn't pan out.  The Jets missed the playoffs, Favre retired, but I still LOVED the move.  They were willing to do anything to WIN... and win right now.

Moving on... Spring time.  The flowers are blooming.  Love is in the air.  At the end of every April there is a little event known as the NFL DRAFT.  And on draft day, I am forced to hold my breath throughout the entire first round.  This is not an easy task when you are drinking and BBQing.  The JETS struggles in this round have equalled Britney's attempts to get full custody of her kids... basically a miserable, no win situation.  Over the years the JETS passed up greats like Dan Marino and Warren Sapp for the likes of Ken O'Brien and Kyle Brady.  I bet you've never heard of the last two... well if you love the Jets you have.   

This Spring the JETS came out swinging.  They traded the kitchen sink to get a QB from USC named Mark Sanchez.  Back in the day this would have looked like an O'Brien nightmare (who wasn't that bad or great), but this guy was from USC, not UC DAVIS.    I have no idea what kind of pro player this guy will turn out to be, but honestly, I don't care.  He's a proven winner.  All I know is that they made a BALLSY move, not a STUPID one.  The last couple of years they have made some smart picks with hopes of building a team from the ground up.  They drafted Running Back Shonn Greene from IOWA in the second round after another trade and then got this 6'6, 325 lb MADMAN, Matt Slauson, from Nebraska and that was it... 3 picks.  I like what I see.

So who knows what's in store for the GANG GREEN this year; regardless, I will be sticking with them no matter what.  I won't be hating like those sadistic Philly fans (DB's, Steele, Priz).  I'm looking forward to an exciting season for the JETS and JACK NICHOLSON's next movie... let's just hope it's not on after 11pm on Cinemax. 

I AM SUPER LOUD ON THE PHONE...

In the privacy of my own home.  Even then, I don't go out onto my front porch and scream into my phone about how much I loved the JETS draft picks.  These assholes out there are doing it in line at the SUPER MARKET.  Why do you have to be so LOUD?  

Nobody gives a shit what you're talking about.  Don't laugh and yap on your cell about how "cool" your night is going to be (with your Natty Light drinking pal on the other end) in line at Banana Republic.  YOU ARE NOT THAT IMPORTANT.  This drives me to the brink of insanity.  Are you the head of Homeland Security?  Are you the Prince of Persia?  Are you Brad Pitt?  If not, tone it down, pal.  I should have added this to my personal space entry cause if your NOISE is invading my area, I want to drink a HEMLOCK cocktail right after I KARATE chop you in the neck.

Cell phones RULE our culture.  They pretty much run our lives.  It's quite sad actually.  We don't have any privacy.  People can reach you anywhere at anytime with these damn cell phones.  If you take a little field trip to a local mall or simply walk down any MAIN street in America... every other person is talking on their phone.  It's crazy.  Can't we just go for a walk without someone bothering us?  Nope.  I guess you can leave your phone at home,  but no one does cause we don't want to miss out on anything.  It's because cell phones are more ADDICTING than Heroin... or Parliament Lights.

I'm trying to remember what it was like before we had these pocket-sized drill sergeants.  When I was a kid, my folks got us a separate phone line in the house.  My brother and I were so excited to never have to worry about MOM picking up the phone while we were in the middle of whispering sweet nothings to our girlfriends.  It was amazing.  Now, I don't even have a HOUSE PHONE.  Do people still have those?  My Mom does... without call-waiting of course.

My cell phone is always with me and sometimes I want to beat the SHIT out of it...  especially when I'm in the car and that sucker rings.  It makes me nuts.  I have one of those headphones that you connect to the phone and it's never plugged in when it rings.  I never want to pick it up with my hand because it's illegal and I refuse to use the BLUE TOOTH thingy.  Personally, I want to SLAP everyone in the face with a leather pair of ISOTONERS that has one in their ear... Salesmen in particular.

How about this "Hands Free" Law, which states that you cannot hold your phone up to your ear while driving, nor can you text.  I'm so glad they passed this law, cause NOBODY fucking follows it.  Driving to work in the morning, I see these cell phone VIGILANTES all over the freeway.  Everyone is chatting away, not focusing on the road... running over bottle caps and babies.  I'm thinking, "Who the HELL are these morons talking to at 7am?"  Nobody I know is even awake.  Maybe I'm the only idiot who follows the law in my car, but I know as soon as I answer the phone and put it up to my ear... I WILL get pulled over.

Life used to be so simple... We had HOUSE phones and people could only reach you when you were at HOME... No Jackasses were walking around with that stupid JETSON-LIKE thing in their ear... No LOUD talkers in line at CVS... No dogs wearing sweater vests and cooler shoes than me walking next to their collagen filled mommies with cell phones super glued to their faces...

So the next time your phone rings and you are in public; be considerate of those around you.  Don't drop F BOMBS near a nice lady and her 4 year old in line at the movie theater.  Don't talk about how wasted you were last night in front of an 80 year old man filling his prescription of CIALIS at Rite-Aid.  Do us all a favor... ignore the call.  If you must pick up; tell your stupid butt-buddy you'll call him back.  If it's an emergency, take the call, but excuse yourself... nobody wants to hear your business... especially when it's about the nice guy you met last night that's banging a different girl right now.  You're life is just not that EXCITING.  If it was, I'd be reading about it in the NEW YORK TIMES or PEOPLE MAGAZINE, not listening to it in line with basket full of groceries.

 

I AM LIVING MY LIFE...

the way I want to live it.  I couldn't always say that.  Could you?  I used to subscribe to notion that doing what others expected of me and staying close to my ROOTS were the keys.  But the keys to what?  Happiness?  Success?  Sanity?  Probably not.

I grew up in a town that was hard to leave.  People were very close to their friends and FAMILY.  Everybody always talked about leaving, but never actually did.  It was as if nobody loved it there, but everyone was AFRAID to leave.  I, on the other hand, actually did love it there... and still do.  

Although my bond with this place was very strong, I knew I had to leave at a very young age.  It just wasn't something that you shared with everyone.  I didn't have the guts to tell my PARENTS I wanted to escape even though it had nothing to do with them.  I would have been mortified if I had told my big BROTHER I'd rather book a guest spot on "How I Met Your Mother" instead of us coaching at NC State together (although that would have been pretty cool too).

If I tried to tell people that I was moving to California when I was young, they would have laughed.  If I would have told them I wanted to be a writer, or an actor, they would have said, "It's good to have dreams."  But if I would have wanted to be a cop or a teacher everyone would've said, "Now those are good jobs."

Hard working people think any job that gives you insurance and a steady paycheck is a good job.  And you know what, it's not their fault... they don't know any better.  Anyhow, can you blame them?  Waiting tables until you sell your first script at 40 sounds like a nightmare for a parent and ME.  And some of these blue collar professions are great.  They're respectable, honest jobs.  But, what about the ARTS? 

In my experience of middle class America people don't believe in the arts.  Your 3rd grade teacher might have, but the other members of the PTA will strongly disagree.  They want you to focus on Reading, Geography, Science, and Arithmetic.  These subjects are important too, but so are music, dancing, acting, and drawing.  The arts give us this sense of humility that you just can't get from knowing the CAPITOLS of all 50 states (which I know by the way).  

I remember one time in Middle School getting in trouble for clowning around in class.  The teacher said to me, "You're a real comedian, huh?"  "Yes" I replied.  "Save it for the big screen pal" he said.  I said, "Maybe I will."  As he walked away he said, "that's some fantasy world you live in my friend."  And I thought... I'm not your fucking friend and what a great idea... the big screen.  I'll show that DICK.

As I watched a good friend of mine guest STAR on a popular show on NBC this evening, I realized... this is it man.  This is the path I chose.  It's going to be hard, but FUCK it.  I know if I had stayed on my original path to be a teacher and a coach I would have been at home watching that same show thinking "this could be me."  Instead I watched my friend proudly and admirably and felt even closer to where I want to be.

I know where I am. I know where I come from.  I know my family and love them very much.  I know I miss them everyday.  I know they thought it was strange when I wanted to leave, but in a way I was doing it for THEM, not just ME.  I've never forgotten what they've done for me and I want them to know I will be taking my ROOTS with me forever.  

I never thought working in film or becoming a writer were real options.  Those professions were only obtainable in a fantasy world.  A world in which I now live.  Thanks teach.

I AM STARTING TO THINK...

that men should pee sitting down.  Whenever you go into a bathroom and there is PISS all over the seat, it's always a man's fault.  Are we so lazy that we can't even pick up the damn seat to take a leak?  Think about it for a second... Men pee standing up.  During this process, a nice bacteria filled mix of water and urine splashes up onto the floor, the rim of the bowl, underneath the seat and even a little onto your new kicks.  If you leave the seat down and start pissing, it's a cleaning nightmare and even worse for the person that has to go after you.  If you were sitting down none of this would ever happen.

The issue of a man putting the toilet seat down when there is a woman in the house would be no longer.  Your significant other would never fall in when she gets up to pee in the middle of the night.  You will never have to worry about pissing in 6 different directions after sex or when you wake up in the morning.  You will never run into your bathroom when you have the BUBBLE GUTS and sit down on a wet seat again.  If we just sat down to pee...

The thing that troubles me most about peeing while standing is what public bathrooms look like.  It always looks like some dude with a 16 inch WANG was shooting his firehose all over the place.  What if you have to go #2?  Basically you're fucked, unless you have a bottle of MR. CLEAN in your pocket or some anti-bacterial wipes on hand.  Are women's public restrooms this dirty?  I sure hope not.  If so, maybe they have somebody in there peeing while standing up... I'd hate to be the one taking that girl home at the end of the night.

I spent a few months living and working in New York with a close friend that always peed sitting down.  Yes, this is a man... a grown ass man.  He insisted that everyone who went to the bathroom in his house had to be sitting.  Male or female, #1 or #2, it didn't matter.  He used to knock on the door, "You better be sitting down doing whatever it is you're doing in there."  I thought it was a bit weird at first, but eventually I totally understood him.  His bathroom was immaculate.  What a genius idea...  Dudes sitting down to take a piss!  So the whole time I was with him, while we were traveling around the country to promote our film, I picked up the habit of sitting while I peed.  And no matter where we were, I did it... and it felt nice... quite natural actually.

For a while after I returned to the left coast, I kept up this new, fun habit.  That Halloween, I had a party at my house.  I only had one bathroom at the time, so I was concerned with the cleanliness of my (unisex for the night) bathroom.  I have this rule about my bathroom... If you are a dude, and in MY house and we know each other, I can come into MY bathroom whenever the hell I want.  I don't care if you are showering, draining the weasel or taking the BROWNS to the SUPER BOWL... I want to be able to come in.  I know it sounds weird, but if I want to shower and you are pissing, I won't bother you... I'll just walk right by.  Or if I want a cleaning product from under the sink, I am coming in.  So if you don't want me in there, lock the door.

Halfway through the party I had to piss.  I saw one of my boys walk into the bathroom.  He was in there for a few minutes and I had to PEE bad.  At this point I was ready to hop into the shower to relieve myself.  So I give a little knock, "Yo, I'm coming in."  "Come on in" my boy said.  I walk in and what is he doing... STANDING UP AND PISSING WITH THE SEAT DOWN!  I wanted to choke him to death.  I go, "What the fuck are you doing?"  He says, "Taking a leak."  I say, "Pick the Damn seat up you scumbag... This isn't a TRUCK STOP!"  "My bad... I was just being lazy," he said.  I immediately banned him from using my bathroom for the rest of the night.  He was sentenced to pissing outdoors.  

I learned 2 things that night of the party... Even your friends can be inconsiderate assholes and I'd rather stop at an EXXON station bathroom off of the New Jersey Turnpike than sit down and pee at that guy's house.

Ahh...  Men sitting down while peeing.  What a great world this could be.  I can hear the birds chirping now...  Cleaner public restrooms.  No more pee on the walls in your bathroom.  No more arguments about who left the seat up.  No more sitting on wet seats.  No more pee on your feet... unless you get stung by a jellyfish.  I need to get back into this habit.  I wish this would've been the new trend for men, instead of that God Damned Faux-Hawk dudes are wearing these days.  Sitting down to piss is so much cooler.  It takes time and patience.  It's worth it though.  If you ever have to pee really bad, you should sit down and try it.  It's like nirvana... and you don't even have to wipe!  You could sit there forever.  No extra drops that you forgot to shake out end up in your undies.  Everything's in the bowl where it belongs...  And your bathroom will never look like a stall in Camden Yards ever again.

I AM A SALESMAN...

but apparently not a very good one.  In a city where people live and die by selling themselves and anything else they can get their hands on, I better step my game up.  And for you other swindlers out there, how about you get your hands out of your pockets, stop reaching for your business cards and sell me something I can use for once... a STRIPPER pole would be nice.  People are always selling something...  Shoes, cars, financial advice, stocks, bonds, office equipment and more importantly their souls.

How does one decide to become a salesman?  Maybe when you were 8, your lemonade stand grossed the most capital on the block... Or when you were 13, you sold the most SNICKERS bars for your little league baseball team's fund-raiser... Or when you were in college, you convinced the most women to sleep with you, doubtful...  Or even better, you could bullshit your way out of any situation known to man.  But, like my Dad always said, "You can't bullshit and bullshiter, and son, I ain't buying it."

I never understood the whole DOOR to DOOR thing.  Historically, this method of sales was used so people had access to the same products available at large discount stores that they might not be able to find nearby.  The sales company, traditionally, is supposed to call beforehand to let you know they plan on paying you a visit.  Really?  People actually invited some wacky salesperson over their house?  I don't know about you, but as soon as I hear a sales call, I hang up before the person even completes a sentence.  And how the hell did they get my number when it's unlisted?  Some SNAKE over at the phone company probably sold me down the river.  With cell phones being such a big part of our everyday lives, they can now catch you anywhere.  That sucks, but luckily the whole door to door thing is not practiced all that often anymore... well at home it's not, but in the workplace... forget about it.

These clowns always come into my place of employment with their shirts tucked into their dockers, cheap shoes, and too much cologne and to their chagrin, I'm ready for them.  I usually say, "Not interested" before they can get both feet through the door.  Some leave defeated with their heads down and others are like a dog with a frisbee... they never let go.  And the ones that sneak in without me noticing are always close talkers.  They try and get as up close and personal as they possibly can.  As we've already learned, this is a huge problem for me.  I hate close talkers just about as much as I hate Elizabeth Hasselbeck.  I mean, do you really need to be sitting on my lap to sell me a steam cleaner for my carpet?

What I've come to understand is that it doesn't matter if you look like you're in the market for a new set of steak knives... or if you're ready to find someone new to manage your portfolio... or if your floors are that fucked up.  It makes no difference who you are because they are trying to sell this craziness to everyone.  You (the consumer) are not special.  You are a target and 90% of the time we don't want what they're selling.  That's why they're coming to us and not the other way around.  They are trying to force feed an already spoiled enough nation some more horseshit that we probably don't need.  Why don't they come around with girl scout cookies?   The world would be a much nicer place and I would buy them every time, especially SOMOAS.  Or wouldn't it be nice if a salesperson came in with some athletic socks, boxer briefs, or even a wide arrangement of beanies for my extremely large head?  I would be sold before they even got to their pitch.

Truthfully, I don't know how we do it.  Sales has to be the worst field of work on the face of the Earth.  I think I'd rather be an ASTRONAUT... and reentering the Earth's atmosphere scares the ever loving shit out of me.  So many people I know are in sales.  It's an important profession.  I do in fact respect some salesmen.  Yes we need cars, knives, and all that other shit, just don't push it.  Be nice, but not too nice.  We're not friends, so don't act like one.  I feel it's extremely important to be yourself... even as a salesmen.  Especially when you are selling some poor schlep a new carpet cleaner so that he can remove his wife's cat's piss stains... Be yourself.  If you do so, he just may buy it, but be careful... he may drink the shit to kill himself... or just feed it to the cat.

There's irony here.  I work in sales, so I am somewhat trashing myself, but I never push anything on anybody.  I also want to work in the film industry where we are forced to sell ourselves like $50 hookers in Atlantic City.  What most salespeople don't understand is that they are probably selling their product to another person that works in the same field.  My point is... Everyone is a salesperson.  You can't bullshit a bullshitter so don't lose your integrity just to move a product...  especially if the product is YOU.  I just refuse to lose sight of who I am and what I stand for.  If you don't like my writing, my acting, the art I'm trying to sell, or who I am as a human being... don't let the DOOR hit you in the ass.

I AM NOT BITTER...

Just a little salty.  I have a great outlook on life.  I love watching bums at intersections begging for food in their Veteran's jackets.  I love hearing about the newest terror threat on the good old U.S. of A.  I love that there are more people out there reading the BIBLE than "The Catcher in the Rye".  I love reading about a recent hate crime on some poor high school kid that was beaten to death by classmates because he came out of the CLOSET.  I love driving down the freeway and noticing a sign flashing "CHILD ABDUCTION" "WHITE TOYOTA CAMRY" "License Plate # SCUMBAG1".  Criminals are always driving a Toyota Camry.  It really must be the most popular car in America... at least for pederasts and kidnappers it is.  

Recently, it has been brought to my attention that I am a CYNIC.  I can't help that there are a great deal of assholes out there.  If disliking people that are phony, inconsiderate, and selfish makes me cynical, then so be it.  It doesn't sound like such a bad title to me.

I left a bar the other night with 4 friends after a couple of beers and some good conversation.  While we were walking back to the car, a cab flew by with a bunch of dudes in it.  A guy screamed out the window, "FUCKING FAGGOTS!!!"  Mind you, I was with 4 guys and 1 girl, but none of us were wearing ASSLESS chaps.  We weren't dressed like transvestites.  We weren't holding hands, wearing lipstick (maybe some flavored lip balm, but it wasn't me I swear) or blowing each other on the sidewalk.  We were just walking.  My initial reaction was to chase the cab down, rip each one of these Gold's Gym going, striped shirt wearing crackers out of the car and beat them to a bloody pulp with a fresh copy of the King James Bible.  Then it occurred to me... these people are just sad, unintelligent human beings.

For the record none of us were gay, but it didn't matter... my blood still boiled.  I wanted to yell back, but I didn't.  What would make someone want to yell such hateful things out of a window to people they don't even know?  And even worse, they did it like cowards speeding down the street.  Well, I know it was good idea for them because if they were on foot, I may have not been able to control myself and they would've received a classic ass whooping.  Even then, nothing would have come of it except for a few bumps and bruises.  They simply weren't worth the time or the energy.  Instead, my friends and I laughed really hard at these bottom-feeders.  There were even a few cabbies standing in a parking lot just ahead, and one of my friends said to them, "Were they talking about you guys?"  And they laughed along with us.

What I've realized is that there are a lot of stupid people out there.  A few years back, I would have chased that car of poorly raised dipshits for 5 miles looking for a fight.  I know now only an idiot would shout such nonsense out of a window.  And only a bigger idiot would stoop to their level and go after them.  Maybe if these sorry bastards stayed in on a weeknight and read a BOOK instead of trolling in bars to find some senseless SLOBONE (noun. used to describe a loose female dumb enough to associate with one of these paupers) to take home, they would learn something about this world and the people in it.

I love my life, but sometimes it saddens me to realize there are folks out there that hate themselves so much, they feel it's necessary to hate others.  It doesn't matter if you come from a shitty family, or a town full of simpletons... cause you don't have to be like them.  It's no excuse.  That's the beauty of this life; you can be whoever you want to be.  If you want to be an asshole that's fine, I'd just prefer you kept it to yourself.  CLOSETS were made for a reason... for STUPID ASSHOLES... not faggots.

I AM MISERABLE...

on Fridays.  This shouldn't be the case.  The weekend is here.  It's so close I can taste it.  Two days off in a row... It's my weekly vacation.  I should be elated, but I'm not.  And you want to know why, because I have to FUCKING work on Fridays!

The day always goes by so slow, especially when you have plans to set up a SLIP AND SLIDE on the beach and sip Pina Coladas with a bunch of Hawaiian chicks.  Let's be honest, I will be sitting in my house in a few hours with four dudes deciding whether or not we should go out, but still, it's better than being at work.

I think the problem here is THURSDAY.  I hate you worse than Friday... way worse.  Everybody always wants to do something on Thursday night.  Thursday is the NEW Friday.  I feel like more people go out on Thursdays.  Bars are packed.  People are wandering the streets like it's Cinco De Mayo.  Doesn't anybody work anymore?  I know this is LA, so no, but this phenomenon is going on everywhere.  I talk to my boys back in NYC on Friday mornings and they are always all beat up from a great Thursday night on the town.

It usually starts on Tuesday, when I get emails that have the subject title, "PLANS FOR THE WEEKEND".  This usually means, "What are we doing on Thursday night because I want you to be suicidal on Friday morning and fuck up your whole weekend."  Thanks guys.

I've been pretty good lately about staying in on Thursday night because I have to work early on Friday morning.  But sometimes I fall for it.  "Sure, let's get a drink tonight"... That never happens.  One drink turns into six... One bar leads to another... Then we're meeting this person at that bar and some other schmuck who knows these girls at another dump.  The night turns into a shit-show.

The next morning I am driving to work half-cocked, contemplating the meaning of life, praying I have matching shoes on, all while listening to some idiot on the radio talk about PIRATES capturing someone off the coast of SOMALIA.  Then a cartoon bubble pops up over my head, "Pirates are cool... Should I have been a Pirate?"  Perhaps, but I don't think being a Pirate is a very lucrative profession.  Anyhow, I'm not much of a swashbuckler and I'd probably have Jaundice in less than a week.  Why the HELL did I go out last night?

The going out on Thursday trend started in COLLEGE.  It was a huge night to go out.  I went out every Thursday.  Everyone would get crazy and nobody ever went to class on Friday morning.  It was awesome.  I take it everyone is trying to relive their college years... I know I am at times.

Thursday night also has the best lineup of TV shows.  "The Office" and "Southland" are a few of my favorites.  The invention of DVR (one of the best inventions of our time if not THE best) has killed staying in on Thursday night by allowing people to record shows and in turn keeping them in on Friday night to catch up on programs and save their energy for SATURDAY.  Maybe that's just me.  Really, I'd rather be home watching "30 Rock" or some new cop drama that leaves tears in my eyes at the end of the show.  The thing is, nobody gives a shit what I want.  So in reality, it's not Friday's fault that Thursday is such an asshole and has stolen its thunder.  Some college frat boy is to blame here.  

On Friday, some people are all charged up to make plans, meet up, get drinks, go out, but not me... Maybe I'm just growing up.  I usually get home on Friday afternoon/early evening and clean my house, do laundry or go shopping.  Friday evening has become my time for relaxation.  This day only sucks while you're at work, but once you get home, it's the greatest day ever.  So don't be too down on yourself Friday... but I'm still not going out.  By the time I'm finished with my chores, I go for a run, make a nice meal and start getting mentally prepared for a strong Saturday performance.  It's not Friday's fault that SATURDAY is just flat-out better.  You don't have to WORK on Saturday.  If you go out on Friday night, your Saturday is ruined.   Saturday didn't create the 5 day work week... some corporate asshole that goes out on Thursdays did.   Friday is furious, but I don't care.  Sorry Friday, you're the new TUESDAY.