after a long, four year hiatus. Over the past few years a lot of people asked me questions like, "Where the hell are your blogs?" and "Are you gonna give me something to read at work again or what?" and "Why'd you stop writing?" And by a lot of people, I mean one. My mom.
First, I didn't stop writing. I try to write everyday; I just eased off the blog. I stopped creating entries because I felt like no one was reading them, like no one cared. That never mattered to me before, but suddenly, it did. In the creative world, that's a huge no-no. Insecurity is a bitch, and so typical of a phony writer.
There are a few other reasons I stopped blogging. I felt the world was over-saturated with content, especially on the internet. Well, obviously. Ever heard of Twitter? Snapchat? People no longer crave substance. They crave blips, blurbs, tweets, and snaps. I mean, who gives a shit? I thought, Every asshole has a blog now and nobody wants to read more than 140 characters, so what's the point?
The truth is, everybody does have a blog, but they already had one already when I started this seven years ago. It's not like I was a pioneer or anything. I was a follower like everyone else, and I hated myself for it. A child craving the attention he would never receive. Like I mentioned in my first entry: I am unoriginal, and so are you.
Then, I got into what some would call creative suicide. A relationship. And as always, I was working on a script or two, or three actually. All four of which I did not finish, including the relationship. Standard. Girls I'd dated didn't seem particularly enthused by the idea of being written about on the internet, even if the only people reading about them were my mom and childhood neighbors. I allowed that to be a deterrent even though I didn't write about my sexual exploits, because I'm not Tucker Max. But suddenly I didn't want to offend anyone. Tucker would have been ashamed of me. And right there, at that moment, I knew I'd lost my edge. So I vanished.
I was busy trying to make necessary changes in my life. As much as I loved my work situation, I needed to find a new job. I was getting too old to make a peasant's wage with a smile on my face.
So I broke up with my roommate/hetero-lifemate and moved to New York. Too many dishes in the sink. He's now married and a father. I had to have emergency surgery. I had a few panic attacks. My dad died. And then the kicker...I met a GIRL, again. But this time she was, THE girl.
How things have changed since I last visited the world of the writing. The country is actually considering Trump as a presidential candidate. Sadness. A girl I went to college with became one of the most famous people on Earth. Surprise. The Mets made it to the World Series and are a contender again. Joy. The Jets had a winning record last year, so there's promise for the fall, but let's get Fitz-Magic signed already; the Rangers get so close every year. Hope. I now have two beautiful little nieces; and I am getting married. Love.
When I finished typing my last entry in 2012, I was 31 going on 18. And now, four years later, I'm 35 going on my first full attempt at being an adult. I wasn't challenging myself professionally or personally back in LA, or when I first got to New York. My life in general was a cakewalk. I didn't make much money, but I didn't need it. Now I have the girl and she has me. Life is good, but I will now demand more of myself and continue to strive for something better. I have a big year ahead of me with a wedding on the horizon and working on finishing some of the things I started. Hello again, world.
No comments:
Post a Comment