I AM READY FOR A FRESH START...

with the NEW YEAR upon us.  So on the final days of 2009, I will be delivering a few TOP TEN lists.  Thank you all for sticking with me throughout the year.  It has been a pleasure.

My first list is... TOP TEN songs most frequently played on my IPOD during this Holiday Season.

10.)  YOUR EX-LOVER IS DEAD by STARS.  This song was introduced to me by a good friend well over a year ago and has been playing on my ipod nonstop ever since.  I love it.  It's heartfelt, soothing and vindicating.  Not a bad tune for all of you HOPELESS ROMANTICS out there.

9.)  WAKE UP by THE ARCADE FIRE.  I've been listening to this one for quite some time.  The Arcade Fire have always been one of my INDIE favorites.  A couple months ago I was in a theater and the Trailer for "Where the Wild Things Are" came on... And sure enough this song was playing.  I said, "I guess they're mainstream now".  Check it out... It's a great one.

8.)  CHRISTMAS (BABY PLEASE COME HOME) by DEATH CAB FOR CUTIE.  You had to know I was bound to mention some Christmas tunes since it is the season.  I've always loved when one of my favorite artists takes  a swing a Christmas tune.  And Death Cab knocked this one out of the park.  This one could bring a single tear down the face of a statue of JC.

7.)  SMOKERS OUTSIDE THE HOSPITAL DOORS by EDITORS.  I've been rocking out to this track for well for over a year now and for some reason I just can't stop listening to it.  Maybe it's that good.  Yeah, that's it.  It's amazing.  Give it a listen.  Believe me, you will not be disappointed.

6.)  ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS YOU by MARIAH CAREY.  This song is on the soundtrack of one of my favorite Holiday movies, "Love Actually".  Every time it plays I'm as happy as a pig in shit.  This one could make any member of the Islamic Jihad smile.

5.)  CUPID by SAM COOKE.  This one really brings me back.  I'm not sure to when because I was born in the 80's and this song is like 50 years old, but it brings me to a happier time.  This oldie may be the greatest song ever created by a human.  It's a perfect melody for the Holiday Season and feel free to "draw back your bow" on Valentine's Day with this sure fire winner.

4.)  EMPIRE STATE OF MIND by JAY-Z (Featuring ALICIA KEYS).  Honestly, as corny as it sounds, this song makes me feel like anything is possible.  I could climb Kilimanjaro listening to this one.  I know the radio has overplayed the SHIT out of this track, but I don't care... it gets better every time I hear it.

3.)  LISZTOMANIA by PHOENIX.  Phoenix may be the best band to drop onto the scene this year.  You may know them best from their hit "1901" which plays during every Cadillac commercial.  That's a serious payday... Congrats dudes.  I saw them live at "The Greek" in a LA a few months back and the show was awesome.  If you get the chance to see them live... DO IT.  Otherwise you'll regret it later.

2.)  CHRISTMAS IN HOLLIS by RUN DMC.  By far my all time favorite Christmas tune.  This one first caught my ear while watching the original "DIE HARD" many years ago.  You can't go wrong with RUN DMC... those guys are LEGENDS.  Period.  "It's Christmas time in Hollis, Queens; Mom's cooking chicken and collared greens!"  Unbelievable track.

1.)  JUST BREATHE by PEARL JAM.  Ever since their debut album "TEN" landed in my lap back in 1992 I've been following these guys religiously.  Their tunes have continued to transcend the industry.  The honesty in Eddie Vedder's voice on this track is humbling to say the least.  Please give this one a listen as soon as possible.  It may change your life.

Honorable Mentions: A Dustland Fairytale by THE KILLERS, Can You Tell by RA RA RIOT, Kings and Queens by 30 SECONDS TO MARS, 4th Chamber by THE GZA, Cinnamon by THE LONG WINTERS and Manhattan by KINGS OF LEON.  ENJOY.

I AM ALL ABOUT THE HOLIDAYS...

Ah, Christmastime.  How can you ignore it?  The time of giving.  Love is peeking through the bitter cold air.  Snow.  Greens, reds, and whites cover the landscape.  Christmas Trees, ornaments, presents, eggnog, and FAMILY.  The music of the season plays throughout local malls and on every radio station in your car.  I don't know about you, but I love me some Christmas tunes.  Frank Sinatra, Bing Crosby, Mariah Carey, and Nat King Cole all kill it.  And Christmas movies... The Best.  Give me Love Actually, Christmas Vacation, A Christmas Story, Home Alone, Die Hard, The Family Man, and The Family Stone on repeat please.  I love them.

I have such fond memories of the Holidays from my childhood.  My parents did a really good job instilling the Christmas Spirit in our house.  They must have since I still believe in Santa Claus.  I remember creeping into the living room one time at 5AM and admiring the allure of the our tree... or maybe I was just eyeing up the gifts.  I eventually passed out under the tree around 6 because I had given up on every one else getting up that early.  My mom, dad, and brother came out around 7:30 and enjoyed a good laugh at my expense.

Christmas was my favorite Holiday and it wasn't just about the gifts.  I especially loved Christmas EVE.  We always went to my Aunt Sandy's (my Godmother) house, where we enjoyed a traditional old school Italian meal with the 7 fishes and plenty more where that came from.  Vino was flowing like the Mississippi and everyone was always laughing.  Good times.  My family was simply enjoying each other's company.  Man, those were the days.

Surprisingly, Christmas has kept its luster.  I still enjoy it as much as I once did as a child.  The only problem now is we all live far away.  My parents live in Florida.  My brother lays his head in New Jersey.  And I reside in Southern California.  So it's interesting trying to get all of us together around the Holidays.  My mom and brother REFUSE to get on Airplanes.  My dad doesn't mind flying, but refuses to leave my mother behind.  My brother thinks it's sacrilegious to celebrate the birth of Christ anywhere it doesn't SNOW.  Then again, my mom doesn't want to travel too far now that she's in her Golden Girl years and my pops, who seems to be indifferent, just wants everyone to be together... only if we can afford it.

Last year was the first Christmas I spent away from my family.  On Christmas Eve, I hosted a little dinner and White Elephant Party for 10 of my friends who couldn't make it home.  I cooked for hours, drank wine, blasted X-MAS tunes, and played Home Alone on a loop.  We all had a great time.  Although I missed my family, I realized that a wonderful Christmas can be had anywhere.  Since I didn't make it home for Christmas or New Years, I flew to Florida for my Mom's birthday and the Superbowl a month later.  And we had our own BELATED Christmas.  Better late than never.

I love giving gifts.  It's an amazing feeling to watch a person's face when they are genuinely grateful for what they've received.  I find so much joy in coming up with a thoughtful, fun gift.  It's awesome.   You feel so good, you don't even want a gift in return.  And if you're lucky enough to get one, you appreciate it more than usual, even if you don't like it because it was all about the process and tradition.

One year when I was about 16; we were having some family problems.  I came home from boarding school for the Holidays and for the first time EVER... THE TREE WASN'T UP!  I felt like I had been TASERED by a Righty copper at a Lefty Political Rally in Missoula, Montana.  My mom just didn't have time to worry about it.  She was busy working her ASS off to keep a roof over our heads, while she and my father were going through their issues.  My parents were separated at the time... and that was the reason we were SANS tree.  It was nobody's fault.  There were more important things to worry about.  Dad wasn't around to take care of the Tree business.  My brother was at college, god knows where, but one of the 10 universities he attended and I was away at Prep School.  It was hard for my Mom to get all of these things done while trying to work and take care of the house.

During dinner that evening something was different.  My mom wasn't sad, she was definitely happy to see me, but she wasn't in her regular Christmas season kickoff dinner mood.  We talked about the tree.  She explained it was hard for her to carry up the stairs (we had a fake tree) and we weren't really exchanging many gifts that year dude to rough times financially.  I completely understood.  So I helped her with the dishes, kissed her goodnight, and she went off to bed.

As soon as she closed her door; I started working on my gift to her.  I immediately went downstairs to the basement and found the tree.  There was shit all over the place because we had moved into that house less than a year before.  I wrestled the tree out of its box and hauled it piece by piece upstairs.  Even though my mom's bedroom door was on the ground floor right next to the basement door, I knew she wouldn't hear a thing.  She can't hear anything when she's knocked out.  The woman sleeps like a F'in LOG.  A tank could roll over her bed firing heavy artillery and she wouldn't notice.

This wasn't my first RODEO with a tree, but it was the first time I'd ever tried to do it on my own.  My father was always there, and I was his little helper.

This tree was a big MOTHER, almost 9 feet tall.  First I put that sonofabitch together and wrapped the skirt around the bottom.  I meticulously put the lights up after that.  Then I decorated it with all of my favorite ornaments from childhood concentrating on the ones I knew Mommy loved best.  I followed up with applying a few layers of tinsel.  Finally, after sneaking a few beers from the garage refrigerator (sorry H) and almost 4 hours later... I placed that beautiful white STAR on top.   I stepped down from the ladder, plugged everything in and stepped back.  It was beautiful.  I smiled at my creation and walked upstairs to hit the sack.

The next morning I woke up early to see the look on my Mom's face.  She came out of her room, put up a pot of coffee, lit her morning smoke and walked into the living room.  I heard her say "Oh my GOD!"  She was so happy.  I came downstairs and she showered me with hugs and kisses and thanked me an infinite amount of times.  She really appreciated it.  It was the best gift I could have given her.  She didn't want material things... She just wanted to feel the Christmas Spirit like she did when we were young.  Although we didn't have as many gifts as usual to exchange that year, we still had another GREAT CHRISTMAS because we had something much better... Each other.

Happy Holidays Kids!!!

I AM THE ANGRIEST MAN ALIVE...

or so it may seem.  Do you ever feel frustrated when you're not getting your way?  Come on, of course you do... I do sometimes.  It's because you're spoiled, but do not fret, everyone does at some point.

I've always thought of myself as a "NICE" guy.  A simple man... if you will.  Yet the older I get, the more I realize, I'm anything but that.  And when I mention the word nice, what immediately comes to mind is that's another word I dislike with a passion.  It's a word we use nowadays to shut people up on IM or text... Or in a phone conversation when we aren't listening.  When putting it that way, "Nice" doesn't sound very good at all.

Some days I come home from work MISERABLE.  Well, to be completely honest, it's actually most days.  I never thought I would be THAT guy.  You know the guy... The one that brings his work home with him.  The funny thing here is my job is not difficult.  I don't have problems there.  I get along with all of my coworkers and my boss.  They're my friends.  So what's the problem?  I'm not angry on the way home, but once I step through the door I find reasons to be disgruntled.  I just wish I could come home and find the house clean, with nobody in it.  I don't hate my life, but I can't say I'm completely happy with where I'm at.

Having a roommate is HARD and has proven to be even more difficult when you know the person extremely well.  I'll be the first to admit; I'm a pain in the ass.  I'm sure I'm no cupcake to live with.  Having a best friend as a roomie is worse than being married (or living with your girlfriend) because there's no sex, no tax break, and domestic violence can occur often without the Policia showing up.  When you know someone so well, live with them, and have all the same friends; everything in your lives seems to be meshed together.  I don't even know which towels are mine anymore.  I'm having a great deal of trouble with that.

I have set so many goals for myself and so many standards in which to live by, that on occasion I don't even know which way is UP.  I want my house to be clean, especially if I'm expecting company.  I make my bed every morning.  I want the dishwasher emptied as soon as it's run its course so dishes don't pile up in the sink...  I want to feel like an adult.  I require a certain amount of privacy.  I want to EARN a decent living.  I want to be respected by my peers.  I want to treat women the way they deserve to be treated.  I want my family to be proud of me...  I have so much to live up to and I'm not sure if I'm fitting the bill.  I don't understand why I put so much pressure on myself.  I also like to drink Green tea... Maybe if I pour a cup on this rainy day everything will be okay.

So who's judging me?  Probably nobody... Nobody but me.  Most of my friends don't really give a shit about what I'm doing with my life.  It's not their job to.  I don't blame them.  They just want to hang out and have a good time.  And if I'm not readily available to them; they almost always unintentionally make me feel bad about it.  It's as if they cannot have a good time without me.  I know this isn't true; I've seen pictures.  And that's my own shit I've have to deal with.  It's not their fault.  They simply want me around... As I want them around.  But sometimes people NEED to understand the circumstance.  There are times I can't afford to have a GOOD time out on the town.  The truth is most of my friends are willing to pick up a tab just so I'm in attendance, but you know what, I'm not that kind of guy.  I don't want any part of it until I know I can offer something in return.  I love what they're trying to do, but the most important thing right now is getting my life started in my area of focus, not getting shitcanned every Friday and Saturday.   

Most of my friends are enjoying some kind of financial success in one way or another; I, on the other hand am not.  I respect them for it.  Most of them EARNED it.  And I want to hang out as much as they do, but I don't feel comfortable when people want to buy me things.  It's totally a poor man's syndrome.  And I don't want people to feel sorry for me.  Yes, I'll let you buy me a drink here and there but I absolutely REFUSE to take advantage of someone I love.  Yes, I have a great core group of friends.  Yes, I have a great family, but me allowing myself to use other people as a crutch is not the key to my happiness.

The key to my happiness is PURSUIT... And I have been slacking... Again.  Pursuing a dream is the purest form of living.  If you want something; you have to take it.  You have to try... And try pretty fucking hard.  I mean isn't this what it's all about?  Making your dreams a reality...  You can't let anyone tell you something is impossible, because it's just not true.  If you want to be a fucking ASTRONAUT, by all means study your ass off, go to a great school, and enter the space program at NASA for fuck's sake.

I made a life-altering decision to move and completely redirect where my life was headed over 5 years ago.  I left a stable life, for one without an iota of stability.  Looking back, I know I made the right choice, but it's time to get back on track.  What am I doing about getting to my final destination?  I'll tell you... I'm learning.

One thing I've learned on this journey is... YOU CAN'T CHANGE PEOPLE.  They are who they are and that's FINAL.  If you live with someone that doesn't live by your standards, it can be difficult, but asking them to be like you isn't fair.  They don't want to be like you.  They want to be themselves.  So getting mad at someone for being his or herself is a BAD idea.  And if you continue to try and change others you'll continue to be unhappy.  So move on... Move up... or Move on out like the Jefferson's did.  And maybe, just maybe... start thinking about making some changes of your own.  Trust me, you'll smile more.

I AM IN THE MIDST...

of a RAINY day in California.  Days like today come few and far between, so we must relish them.  The normally empty river beds and canals now rush with ample amounts of water.  It's particularly cold on this dark, dreary afternoon in Los Angeles.  The rain falls steadily, causing the city's inhabitants to move at a turtle's pace.

The WEATHER out here can be tricky... especially in the Winter.  The rest of the year it's almost always glorious.  Sunny, 75-85 Degrees... A slight breeze sweeping off the shores of Santa Monica.  Brilliant.  Yet in December, January, and parts of February we have what they call a rainy season.  Translation... It rains maybe 8 times; if we're lucky.

I remember a few years back it was 80 degrees throughout most of December.  On Christmas day I was on my porch with my shirt off reading a book.  The year I moved west, LA supposedly had more rain than it had experienced in over 15 years.  There were MUDSLIDES, sinkholes, and all kinds of shit you've only ever seen on CNN if you're from the East Coast.

The denizens of this famed city seem to hate the rain.  I'll tell you one thing... They're never prepared for it.  We probably have one of these local dipshit weathermen to blame.  You know... The one with the kooky name... Like Dallas Raines.  Man that guy gets on my nerves.  Being a meteorologist in this city has to be the easiest paycheck on the planet.  All he has to say is, "It's gonna be nice out people and this job is a joke!"  Then the one day a year it rains; the shit hits the fan.  Houses slide down from the cliffs of Malibu and the Palisades.  Water mains burst causing floods at major intersections in Hollywood.  Everyone I know asks to either borrow my raincoat or for me to suggest a place to get a good one.  Accident rates go up exponentially and yet traffic appears to creepily die down.  All I hear on Pico is sirens, instead of the normal flow of Traffic.  It's weird... Like people won't drive in the rain... and those that decide to venture out operate their heavy machinery much worse than they normally do.  And good old Mr. Raines is munching on a Pink's Hot Dog in a Burbank studio shrugging his shoulders at his producers like, "Who knew?"

Most ANGELENOS drive like assholes regularly, but when precipitation falls... Forget about it.  Every other wannabe is still speeding down the freeway to get to his/her Wendy's commercial audition and they're already 45 minutes late.  They buzz by you in a the carpool lane with no other passengers aboard their vessel, all while flicking you off, wearing obnoxious sunglasses, a designer shirt from Zara's (The European Gap), talking to their manager on Bluetooth and texting the STRUMPET they shagged the night before.  As far as I'm concerned, you can take your shades, bluetooth, and your manager and shove them all up your waxed ASS CRACK.

I just saw a woman walking down the street dressed in a completely inappropriate manner for a 45 degree rainy day in December.  She had on a short skirt and high heels, sunglasses, a make shift rain coat (leather jacket), an umbrella in one hand, and a leash for her mini dog in the other.  I walked outside to watch this woman painfully scurry down the block.  I noticed she was shivering and her little Beverly Hills Chihuahua was hopping around a few steps ahead wearing the nicest raincoat I'd ever seen.  The dog was having the time of it's life.  I laughed my ass off.  These people are hilarious.  I thought to myself, "That's nice, but get your priorities straight lady."

At nighttime rainfall is the best.  I find the sound of drops hitting the rooftop comforting.  The sight of streaming water on a window pane and the glaze it creates is beautiful.  The rain tends to set my mind at ease and helps me close my eyes when my head hits the pillow.  I miss the rainy, cool days of Spring back east.  Lightning.  A good THUNDERSTORM.  Thunder is virtually non existent around these parts.  Whenever you hear rumbling, go stand in the doorway cause it's usually an earthquake.

My advice to anyone that comes here is avoid being on the road in the rain.  And if you must go out, don't drive like the majority of these dimwits.  Drive safely, but normally.  It's just rain.  It's not Midwestern HAIL or a Vermont snowstorm.  You don't have to go to COSTCO and stock up on water and canned goods.  The rain eventually stops, and might not come again for a while.  So I say take it in.  Enjoy it... And feel blessed that we only have to step over a few puddles and dodge some mud a couple times of year... Rather than dodging a 50 foot TIDAL WAVE rushing upon us from the shores of the Pacific.  Oh yeah, and go get yourself a DAMN RAINCOAT.

I AM THE GUY...

Who saves all kinds of STUPID stuff I'm so sure I need to survive.  Whether it be an inspiring FORTUNE from a fortune cookie, or a ticket stub from a great concert or movie; I save it.  Other examples: An embarrassingly awesome Granny-like, red sweater I wore to a "Bad Christmas Sweater Party" 2 years ago.  Free T-shirts with absolutely NO sentimental value line my closet shelves like a Salvation Army Store in St. Louis.  2 Dollar bills.  I can't help but save them.  And where do they come from anyway?  I know we don't print them any more, so how the HELL are they still in circulation?  I thought only barbers framed them to hang on their mirrors and hobos used them to wipe their stinky asses.  I had a couple over the past year, but wound up giving them to my roommate to buy smokes when he was down on his luck.

I was doing some WINTER cleaning the other day in preparation for the Holiday season.  And when I say cleaning, I mean under the bed and in every crevice of my little walk in.  I found so much SHIT that had no business being in my possession.  Jets tickets from 5 years ago when they waxed the 49ers.  A BRAVEHEART movie ticket stub from opening night in 1995.  A Bass pro Shop netted trucker hat I picked up on a field trip in college... I wouldn't wear that puppy to a SHIT FIGHT.  The CD case for Counting Crows debut album AUGUST AND EVERYTHING AFTER.  I have the CD somewhere and the whole album on 3 different ipods and on my computer.  Point Break on VHS, which I obviously own on DVD and had the Bluray in my hand at BEST BUY two days earlier.  My first concert tickets for Barenaked Ladies, who I saw at JONES BEACH back in 1997.  Airplane tickets from 3 years ago when I went to SUNDANCE to promote a film.  Sides from an audition I went on 2 years ago for a part I didn't get.  Fuckers.  

So I grabbed a trash bag to throw all of this stuff away... And I just couldn't do it.  Eventually, I shoved everything I wanted to keep in a shoe box and filled the bag with depressing, old bank statements and bills I paid from 2 apartments ago.

Why do I save this NONSENSE?  Am I the only one?  As I type on my MacBook, I look down where I have a fortune taped to my laptop just below the keyboard reading... "Happiness isn't in having what you want, but rather in wanting what you have."  What the FUCK does that even mean?  I see the little sliver of paper has one of my lucky numbers (6) underneath the text which is undoubtedly the reason I defaced one of my most prized possessions.  But hey, they're just possessions, right?  Who needs em.

Yes, I want things I don't have... like we all do.  Yes, I want to keep the things I already have, but does that have to include ticket stubs, half-dollar coins, Airline tickets and shoes I don't wear?  Perhaps.  I should probably give the clothes and shoes away to people in need; it is Christmas time.

I believe we save things because we're desperately trying to hold on to our past.  We fear letting it go, but is it really going anywhere?  I have all of these memories locked into my tiny brain.  I will always remember the time everyone said I was cockblocking my friend from his date during the Phoenix and Metric show 2 months ago at the Greek.  I don't need the stub to remind me of that... Unless I'm diagnosed with Alzheimer's when I'm 73.  Having said that (Curb Your Enthusiasm Reference for you buttheads that don't watch) I'm going home tonight, buying a Christmas tree, decorating that shit, watching Christmas Vacation on Bluray, listening to Frank Sinatra's Christmas Album, drinking EggNog spiked with RUM and throwing out or giving away everything in my apartment I don't need.