The WEATHER out here can be tricky... especially in the Winter. The rest of the year it's almost always glorious. Sunny, 75-85 Degrees... A slight breeze sweeping off the shores of Santa Monica. Brilliant. Yet in December, January, and parts of February we have what they call a rainy season. Translation... It rains maybe 8 times; if we're lucky.
I remember a few years back it was 80 degrees throughout most of December. On Christmas day I was on my porch with my shirt off reading a book. The year I moved west, LA supposedly had more rain than it had experienced in over 15 years. There were MUDSLIDES, sinkholes, and all kinds of shit you've only ever seen on CNN if you're from the East Coast.
The denizens of this famed city seem to hate the rain. I'll tell you one thing... They're never prepared for it. We probably have one of these local dipshit weathermen to blame. You know... The one with the kooky name... Like Dallas Raines. Man that guy gets on my nerves. Being a meteorologist in this city has to be the easiest paycheck on the planet. All he has to say is, "It's gonna be nice out people and this job is a joke!" Then the one day a year it rains; the shit hits the fan. Houses slide down from the cliffs of Malibu and the Palisades. Water mains burst causing floods at major intersections in Hollywood. Everyone I know asks to either borrow my raincoat or for me to suggest a place to get a good one. Accident rates go up exponentially and yet traffic appears to creepily die down. All I hear on Pico is sirens, instead of the normal flow of Traffic. It's weird... Like people won't drive in the rain... and those that decide to venture out operate their heavy machinery much worse than they normally do. And good old Mr. Raines is munching on a Pink's Hot Dog in a Burbank studio shrugging his shoulders at his producers like, "Who knew?"
Most ANGELENOS drive like assholes regularly, but when precipitation falls... Forget about it. Every other wannabe is still speeding down the freeway to get to his/her Wendy's commercial audition and they're already 45 minutes late. They buzz by you in a the carpool lane with no other passengers aboard their vessel, all while flicking you off, wearing obnoxious sunglasses, a designer shirt from Zara's (The European Gap), talking to their manager on Bluetooth and texting the STRUMPET they shagged the night before. As far as I'm concerned, you can take your shades, bluetooth, and your manager and shove them all up your waxed ASS CRACK.
I just saw a woman walking down the street dressed in a completely inappropriate manner for a 45 degree rainy day in December. She had on a short skirt and high heels, sunglasses, a make shift rain coat (leather jacket), an umbrella in one hand, and a leash for her mini dog in the other. I walked outside to watch this woman painfully scurry down the block. I noticed she was shivering and her little Beverly Hills Chihuahua was hopping around a few steps ahead wearing the nicest raincoat I'd ever seen. The dog was having the time of it's life. I laughed my ass off. These people are hilarious. I thought to myself, "That's nice, but get your priorities straight lady."
At nighttime rainfall is the best. I find the sound of drops hitting the rooftop comforting. The sight of streaming water on a window pane and the glaze it creates is beautiful. The rain tends to set my mind at ease and helps me close my eyes when my head hits the pillow. I miss the rainy, cool days of Spring back east. Lightning. A good THUNDERSTORM. Thunder is virtually non existent around these parts. Whenever you hear rumbling, go stand in the doorway cause it's usually an earthquake.
My advice to anyone that comes here is avoid being on the road in the rain. And if you must go out, don't drive like the majority of these dimwits. Drive safely, but normally. It's just rain. It's not Midwestern HAIL or a Vermont snowstorm. You don't have to go to COSTCO and stock up on water and canned goods. The rain eventually stops, and might not come again for a while. So I say take it in. Enjoy it... And feel blessed that we only have to step over a few puddles and dodge some mud a couple times of year... Rather than dodging a 50 foot TIDAL WAVE rushing upon us from the shores of the Pacific. Oh yeah, and go get yourself a DAMN RAINCOAT.
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