I AM DISAPPOINTED...

in human beings at the moment.  I witnessed an act of the most cowardly proportions a few days ago.  I've since lost many hours of sleep.  I lie there staring at the ceiling in DISGUST.  Aren't there certain laws of humanity that surpass the stronghold of the government?  For example... Ladies first, helping others in need, be nice to your mother, take a shower, don't ski in Jeans, and it's okay to taunt opposing fans, but never, and I mean ever should you put your hands on one of them.

As we all know, I went to INDIANAPOLIS this past weekend to watch the JETS fall short of a Superbowl birth.  My 3 friends and I were having the time of our lives.  Yes, I said it... We were having the times of our lives in INDY.  I know it's hard to believe, being that Indianapolis is located in the Midwest and it's no BIG APPLE, but my friends and I tend to find a good time anywhere.

Saturday night we met at the hotel bar for some food and drinks.  Once we were a little sauced, it was time to grab a cab and hit the town.  Jets fans were everywhere.  A river of green flowed through the streets of Indy like the Chicago on St. Patty's.   JETS chants left and right (most of which I was leading while standing on my barstool).  We were in heaven.

Sunday morning we grabbed a quick Continental breakfast at the hotel.  We followed that normalcy with a few drinks up in our room and then prepped for tailgating.  Since our hotel was in Lucas Oil Stadium's parking lot, we didn't have to go far to find a good pre-game party.  We saw the fans gathering down below, pounded our drinks, made roadies, packed our bags and joined them.

Downstairs... it was ON like CHAKA KHAN.  Beers and Captain Morgan were consuming us.  Jets fans in full uniform acting civilly for a change.  Everyone was happy.  Honestly, we were all just happy to be there.  People you normally wouldn't piss next to in a public restroom were standing shoulder to shoulder with you swaying back and forth singing every New York song you could think of.  Even the player's families and friends joined us.  It was fantastic.

After 2 hours of tomfoolery in the lot we had met numerous JETS and COLTS fans that were cool.  Everything seemed chill.  Then out of nowhere, the COPS started to harass us.  They drove through our tailgate at least 50 times.  They weren't saying anything... Just bleeping that obnoxious sound their PA makes telling you to get of the way without words.  Nobody was doing anything wrong, yet they continuously shot dirty looks our way.  Nobody was yelling at the police.  Nobody was fighting.  Everyone was having a merry old time and it seemed like the police were doing anything they could to prevent it.  My friends and I figured... Screw this... and we went into the stadium.  Later we heard cops tazed some JETS fan back at our tailgate after we left.  And guess what... He didn't do anything wrong either.  If you don't believe me, check out the video on YOUTUBE.  It's complete bullshit.  Those coppers were peasants.

We get to our seats and they are AWESOME.  The stadium itself is beautiful.  Our view was SICK... Well it better have been with what those seats were going for.  So as we're sitting down, like always, we introduce ourselves to fans surrounding us no matter what team they're supporting.  We explain how we get really excited and how we like to stand during the game.  Everyone says, "That's fine, we'll all be standing."  I'm thinking... This is sweet.

Midway through the first quarter the JETS were doing well and we were standing quite often.  The EVENT STAFF approached us and said "sit down".   We sat... laughed it off and were standing moments later.  They returned and told us to stay in our seats or they would have to ask us to leave.  I said, "Look around man, IT'S THE AFC CHAMPIONSHIP!  Everyone is standing!"  We gave in and sat down, but when the JETS made a good play we were back on our feet.  I hate to break it to these bottom dwellers, but that's what fans do.

Then, it seemed like we (and the 5 other JETS fans in our row.. one of whom was a 7 year old boy) were the only ones standing in our section.  As the JETS started to play really well; we continued to celebrate.  Colts fans started to complain like a bunch of fucking 5 year old girls.  The Event Staff approached us again.  This time I was pissed.  I yelled back at them, "This place is a joke!"  Then some COLTS fan must have taken that comment to heart because he went NUTS.  "Who you calling a joke!?" he said.  "Don't call me a JOKE!" he continued.  I turned and said, "There's a kid here, watch your mouth pal."  Normally I wouldn't care if some fan was cursing at me, but there was a 7 year old boy sitting right next to me.   His father had flown them out from New York.  It was his son's first game, so I didn't want to ruin his experience.

This guy behind the kid's father would not let it go.  My buddy Will and I just brushed him off.  We kept telling him to be quiet.  Relax.  It's just a football game... But this relentless mother fucker would not stop.  My blood was beginning to BOIL and Will noticed.  He grabbed me and said, "Take it easy man, don't do anything... We came all this way, paid all this money, and there's a kid next to us."  I told him he was right and tried to calm down, but this dude would not give it up.  Finally Will told me to focus on the game, so we both turned around and as the guy continued mouthing off, Will turned to face the game and stuck his right hand up and flicked him off.

This asshole lunged three seats down from the row behind us and grabbed Will's finger snapping it in half.  Neither of us were even looking.  I immediately turned to smash this guy in his face, but his friends were already dragging him into the aisle.  Will looks at me and says, "That dude just broke my finger."  Smoke begins to come out of my ears.  I am FUMING.  The Event Staff immediately removed this guy and Will from their seats and took them somewhere to get a statement.  The poor kid sitting next to me was shitting his pants.

Now anyone that knows me, knows I will do anything for the people I love.  That includes lying down in traffic and fighting for the right cause.  And WILL is my guy.  My best friend.  I would kill for him.  I'm the GODFATHER of his son for Christ's sake.  Long story, long, they wanted to kick Will out of the game, not the other guy.  When I heard this, I ran up to the nearest cop and explained the situation.  He knew about it and said, "Your friend had it coming."  Really?  Did he?  This dipshit didn't even see what happened.  And aren't you an officer of the LAW!?  It's called ASSAULT you fucking redneck HONKEY.  I was so pissed, I could've murdered someone.  By Halftime, the staff let both men return to their seats.

Will wanted me to keep my cool so that we could watch the rest of the game.  He didn't want to get kicked out, plus he had a lawsuit brewing in his brain.  

This fucking asshole who broke Will's digit was in his early 40's.  He seemed like a regular guy at the game with his girl and some friends.  I can't believe there was a little kid between us... And he still acted this way?  He should be ashamed of himself.  After the game Will and I went to the Hospital and sure enough, his finger was broken.  The X-ray made me sick.  That's right... Although he broke his finger in the first quarter and the medic told him to get to a hospital immediately, he refused.  He told them he was there to watch a football game.  And he did just that.

Those Security guards, Event Staffers, and Cops who were working the game can go FUCK themselves.  They were pieces of hippopotamus shit.  Totally unprofessional scumbags barely giving their high school diplomas justice... Sad really.  So to all of you visiting fans... Watch out in INDY.  That place is cursed forever.  It's a shame those douchebags had to ruin the entire trip for me because there were nice people there... But now I never want to go back.  And it's a shame the nice people of that town are paying those cop's salaries.  I hope that JETS fan who was tazed sues the fuck out of that moronic police department and I hope the moron who broke my boy's finger dies a SLOW, PAINFUL DEATH.

Yesterday Will emailed me the statement from the stadium security office.  Nothing Will said in HIS statement was on it... Nothing.  It was the other Jerkoff's words.  Can you believe these people.  I can't wait to write a letter to the NFL Commissioner about how poorly the people in INDY follow laws and handle business.  And that piece of shit COLTS FAN FUCKHEAD is going to get off SCOTT FREE?  He's probably at home, sitting on his couch... FEEDING THE DUCKS, thinking to himself, "that punk kid got what he deserved."  Makes me enraged.  But you know what?  That guy will get his.  Whether he gets struck by lightning or he gets thrown in county pound-me-in-the-ass prison for hitting his wife... He'll get his.  If I ever see that guy again, I will break his fucking neck and go to prison for LIFE if I have to.  That's right, I said it.

***Lesson HERE:  You never, and I mean never... Put your hands on another human being unless you absolutely have to.  Going to sporting events and talking shit to one another is okay.  It's tradition... And in the end no matter who wins; we all shake hands.  It's called sportsmanship.  Fan code...  No hard feelings.  It's just a game.  There's no excuse for what that grown man did.  I don't care if WILL was standing in that guy's face, waving his middle finger and telling him to go fuck his mother (which he absolutely did not do).  You DON'T put your hands on other people.  Period.  (If you are defending your family or doing it for survival... you get a pass.)

I just hope we did the right thing by not retaliating.  It made me feel like a pussy.  A grown up one.  I felt as if I let my friend down, but truthfully there was nothing we could do to rectify the situation.  

I've been really upset about the whole thing since my return to LA.  Should we sue him?  Should we go after the stadium for handling it so poorly?  Who knows... That's all up to Will now... It was merely bad luck... some poor judgement... and some alcohol.  A recipe for disaster.  Hey JIM MOORE from INDIANAPOLIS... FUCK YOU... You sad excuse for a man.  You're a pussy.***

I AM OFF...

To INDIANAPOLIS this weekend to watch my beloved JETS play the COLTS in the AFC CHAMPIONSHIP GAME.  These great franchises have met before.  In Super Bowl III, the Jets quarterback Joe Namath predicted a victory over the Colts (then in Baltimore) and brought it home to New York.  The Jets won 16-7 down in Miami.  That was 1969... and the last time the Jets were in the Super Bowl.  It's also a rematch of this year's week 16 match-up, where the JETS won 29-15.  Everyone places an asterisk next to that victory because the Colts pulled most of their marquee players, including Peyton Manning, during the 3rd quarter.  Apparently they had nothing to the play for (they were already the #1 seed in the playoffs), while the Jets were playing for everything.  Let them say what they want.  I guess we'll see what the GANG GREEN is really made of this Sunday at Lucas Oil Stadium.

Ah, the Great MIDWEST... It's absurd how little the people from the coasts know about the middle of this country.  Growing up on the East Coast and then moving to LA hasn't helped with my knowledge of the midwest, especially of Indiana.  Well, this is what I do know about the Hoosier State...

INDIANA is one of the few states I have not visited.  It's the home to the University of INDIANA HOOSIERS and their storied basketball program.  Does the name Bobby Knight ring a bell?  Also the greatest sports movie ever made, "HOOSIERS" with Gene Hackman, is set in a small town there.  Larry Bird hails from Indiana... French Lick to be exact.  He also went on to attend Indiana State University, appropriately nicknamed the SYCAMORES (I love that mascot), where he took them to the Championship game in the late 70's.  I know Gary, Indiana used to have the highest murder rate in the country, but has since been surpassed by CAMDEN, NJ, and Detroit, Michigan, numerous times.

My friend MILAN is from Indiana.  He's the biggest Indian dude you've ever seen.  Dots, not feathers.  He really is a good guy.  He's out here in LA producing movies.  He carries with him a sweet nickname... "The Hollywood Hindu".  He's also a licensed minister and is available for wedding ceremonies.  Please contact me if you want to get hitched by this maniac and I'll let him know.  I think everyone who meets him says, "There are Indian people in INDIANA?"  Yes morons.  This is AMERICA!  There are different kinds of people everywhere... even in Indiana.

Another great film takes place in Bloomington, Indiana.  It's called "BREAKING AWAY" with Dennis Quaid and Daniel Stern.  It's only fitting I mention this AMAZING movie since it's about a group of underdog young men (CUTTERS) who live in a college town.  The preppy college students give them no respect.  To quiet their critics the "Cutters" enter a bike race versus the "Preps" and everyone else who belittled them along the way.  And against all odds they bring home a VICTORY... earning the respect from their peers, the college students and their families.  No respect.  Sound familiar?

So this weekend should be fun.  I'll be navigating through a new city on my own for a few hours.  I love going to a strange land, especially when I know a few close friends aren't far behind.  My best friend Will is meeting me in INDY on Saturday night for a few pre-game cocktails and by Sunday morning we'll be getting our minds right.  Once again the JETS are HUGE underdogs and will have a chance to make history, silence the critics, and earn the respect of their peers.  I think they have a good chance.  The fans believe... The coaches believe... The players believe... But nobody else does.  And I say Fuck em.  Rock and Roll GANG GREEN!  We're with you all the way!  J-E-T-S!!! Jets! Jets! Jets!

***Tune in on Sunday at 3PM Eastern and 12PM Pacific Standard Time.  Look for me and my buddy Will SCISSOR KICKING Colts fans on the big screen!***

I AM A TOYS R US KID...

Or at least I once was.  "I don't want to grow up cause if I did, I couldn't be a TOYS R US kid!"  Remember that catchy jingle?  I do.  As a child I had everything.  Toys and trains and video games... just like the song.  I had them all.  I haven't seen any of that stuff in years.  The HE-MAN collection, the GI JOES, the TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES (I thought I was Raphael), and the MICROMACHINES were among my serious collections.  Also I had more baseball, basketball, and football cards than every kid I knew.  I used to rummage through the couch cushions for change to buy packs of cards from the ICE CREAM truck.  I recently wondered where all of that shit went.

I barely recall a garage sale we had when my mom was moving us after I started High School back in 1995.  If memory serves, I think some dude bought all of my TRANSFORMERS and GOBOTS (which I favored over Transformers unlike most of you bandwagon freaks).  And some woman bought all of our Star Wars toys, Castle Grayskull, and the GI JOE BASE.  I also sold some sports cards that day and a few more a month or so later including Joe Montana and Lawrence Taylor's rookies.  So where did the other stuff disappear to?

I mentioned a few days back I had my new/old car shipped out here from Florida.  About a week prior to the shipment, I received a call from my MOM.  She asked, excuse me, she TOLD me, "Honey, I'm going to put a few of your things in the car before it ships off, okay?"  I said, "Sure" knowing that wasn't a question.

A few days after I got a call from my DAD.  He said, "Son, I hope you know your Mother is having me put a ton of shit in this car."  My response was, "Figures."  And we both laughed.  I then said, "What kind of stuff?"  "I don't even want to start opening these boxes, but everything looks pretty old" he replied.  So I told him not to worry about it.  I'd sort it out upon the car's arrival.

The car arrived on Friday morning.  I immediately took all of the SHIT out of the back seat and trunk with the help of some very good friends.  I placed the crates, plastic containers, and boxes in my living room and just stared at them... Completely overwhelmed.  I anxiously took off for work a few minutes later knowing there was going to be some fun stuff to find in those treasure chests.

That night I opened them up.  The first container had... The game JENGA... still missing 1 block like it did 12 years ago.  Garbage.  20 or so PEZ dispensers that MOM collected, not me.  Easy one... Garbage.  My roommate and I actually ate the ones that had unopened candy still in the packaging.  The PEZ tasted pretty good to me.  In his words, "Damn these are good, but they taste like an old lady's house."  Sorry Mom, I think you look great!  You can scold him the next time you see him. A yellow STOP sign popped up next.  I remember it being on my brother's door and eventually on mine.  It was probably over 30 years old.  Garbage.  Picture albums filled with awesome memories came next.  My elementary school track team pictures were inside.  My High School championship football days were well documented and there were also some pictures of my college girlfriend.  Those all got a PASS.  SAVE.  One down.

The next container had articles about my teams in High School and College.  Clippings of Touchdowns and pictures in the paper... The ALL STATE TEAM.  SAVE.  Underneath those were some college text books and papers I had written.  Save a few; trash the rest.  My first piggy bank (which was actually a monkey in a cage).  I busted that thing open and all I found was about a dollar in pennies, 500 pesos, and a fake 100 dollar bill.  Fuck.  Garbage.

Then beneath that horseshit... Baseball, football, and basketball cards GALORE.  Jackpot.  it was like being in a sports collectibles shop.  Memorabilia everywhere.  Signed baseballs.  Plaques I received while playing college football.  An MVP award from High School.  I even had a signed football from when I was 9 or 10.  It was my first season playing full contact football and we won the state championship.  The ISELIN GIANTS.  Man, we were NASTY.  My profile picture came from those days.

By the time I finished sorting through the old cards and memorabilia 2 hours had passed.  I didn't feel like messing around with the other containers, so I just peeked in one more and... BINGO!!!  HE-MAN figures... All of them.  An army of GI JOES and COBRAS.  MICROMACHINES everywhere!  This was awesome.  I wound up sitting my ass back down on the floor and playing with toys for another two hours.  By the way, this was a Friday night.  Boy do I need to get my shit together.

So I raised the question... What do I do with all of this stuff?  Every piece holds a different memory.  Each soldier has fought a battle, whether it was against a nasty COBRA or a cranky ME when I was trying to bury my JOES alive for disappointing me.  Some of the HE-MAN figures looked like the had served in NAM.  I put those guys through HELL, but surprisingly most of the others were in pretty damn good condition.  These things are so hard to let go.

I went to bed that night with a smile on my face.  Maybe it was because I had a few drinks in me, but the more likely reason was the simple fact that I had the chance to relive my childhood for a few hours.  My reunion with my plastic childhood friends was delightful, but I knew the feeling wouldn't last.  I couldn't possibly save all of these toys.  I don't have the room.  I just didn't know what to do with them.  I thought for a second about throwing them away or donating them to Toys for Tots (if they still do that?).  Then it hit me... I AM A GODFATHER... and I passed out.

The following day my best friend WILL arrived.  I told him about how my Mom shipped all of my toys out here and I wanted to give them to CHASE (his son) for when he got a little older.  We looked through a container or two and he was FIRED up.  His mom had sold or thrown away all of his toys and he always wanted to have stuff to pass down to his boy.  Now he will have that chance.  You always want your kids to have some hand-me-down toys cause they usually turn out to be the favorites and you want them to play with some of the things you had.  Problem solved.

Now I don't have to worry about them taking up half of my house and Will can store them in his basement until Chase reaches the appropriate age for each kind of toy.  He can go downstairs when the time comes instead of having to spend a million dollars at TOYS R US.  It was a good thing we had to go to SAN DIEGO early the next morning to watch the JETS or we would have stayed up all night drinking and playing WAR with GI JOES and HE-MEN.

The toys we had as children will always be a part of who we are today and they will hold a special place in our hearts forever... No matter how old you are.  So if you have the chance to give them away to someone who will appreciate them... Do it.  I guess what I'm alluding to here is... I'll always be a Toys R Us kid.

***Did I mention the JETS silenced the critics yet again this past weekend?  Well they did.  They overcame adversity once again and picked up a HUGE VICTORY in the AFC DIVISIONAL PLAYOFFS this past SUNDAY against the Chargers.  Off to INDIANAPOLIS this weekend for the AFC CHAMPIONSHIP game against the Colts!  It should be a great one.  Best Offense vs. Best Defense.  One more Gang Green!  We're with you!  J-E-T-S!!! Jets! Jets! Jets!***  

I AM GENUINELY...

Excited about the weekend ahead of me.  I don't even care about working today.  I'm actually being productive, as opposed to my usual Friday behavior.  Normally, I work hard for 2 hours and then pout for 6, but not today my friends.  Today, I am all SMILES.  I'm dusting corners, updating my website, ordering out for lunch (delicious Thai), being friendly to customers (and foreigners), and listening to some great tunes.  So what is the reason for my sunny disposition?

Well for one, my car (the totaled one) situation was finally resolved this morning.  I recently got my check from the SHITBAG insurance company 4 months after the incident, but it's better late than never.  I still think I got hosed, but I don't care anymore... At least I got something.  And yesterday morning I said goodbye to the MUSTANG.  It was difficult, and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a tad choked up as the tow truck pulled away.  I was sad because we spent so much time together and I could have gotten way more money for the parts if I took the time to disassemble it.  Anyhow, it was time for a fresh start.  

This morning I got my newest GIRL.  A 1994 INFINITY... Which belonged to my Mom and eventually my Dad.  I had it shipped from Florida a few days ago and it's already in my possession.  She's old, but looking good.  It was the first new car my Mom ever had in her life... so I'm going to treat her right; with kid gloves.  Thanks Pop... For taking care of me as always.  You're the man.

Now, as if things couldn't get any better, my good buddy got a serious hookup for JETS PLAYOFF TICKETS this weekend.  As a result of our good fortune, my best friend Will is flying in from Denver for the game (much to his wife's chagrin I'm sure).  And on top of that, one of my college teammates (also a HUGE JETS FAN) is coming with us.  Even another friend of mine from college is flying in to cheer on the GANG GREEN in San Diego on Sunday.  I can't wait to be grilling some RIBS in the parking lot with some of my favorite people... F'in pumped.

Everything tastes great when you're getting your way.  It's at times like these when I realize I've never had it that bad.  My life isn't so tough... but perhaps I need to make it tougher.  This year I'm going to work harder than I ever have before.  Things are going to fall into place.  I truly believe that.

Now, people have been asking me, "Why do you care so much about a silly football team?"  And, "Aren't you too old to be acting like this?"  First off, the NEW YORK JETS are NOT silly.  Second, I will LOVE the JETS forever.  Deal with it.  

As we all know... I love football.  I played it.  I just love sports.  Maybe American sports are corrupt and the players are overpaid, but I don't give a shit... So are Bankers and CEOs.  Sports have been giving people like me hope for as long as I can remember.  If you know what I'm talking about; you're most certainly a member of the MIDDLE CLASS... so welcome home.  And if you don't... Close your computer, get back into your BENZ and shove your PRADA hand bag up your ASS.

Every weekend for 6 months during football season people can tune in and watch their favorite teams and players living out their dreams competitively on National Television (unless it's a Lions game cause they get blacked out locally).  It's an escape from reality... If just for a little while.  We all need this in some form, trust me.  When you cheer for a team it makes you feel like you are part of something.  And when that team is winning... Something Special.  I couldn't be further from the NY JETS organization or its players, yet I still feel like I'm a part of it.  No matter what happens on Sunday down in San Diego, I will be putting my all into encouraging them... Whether they can hear me or not.  And I'm sure my friends will do the same.  Even if the outcome isn't what we hope for (VICTORY), I am prepared to be doing the same exact thing next season.

So don't knock someone if they love a particular team or sport.  Whether it's football or soccer, fencing or badminton, Ping-Pong or UFC (which I'm not a fan of)... Give them a break.    You don't have to love it, but you should understand.  They probably love fencing as much as you love drawing, going to the theater, writing, playing board games, or masturbating.  And as far as I'm concerned; you're never too old to love any of those things.  To each his or her own.

HUGE game this weekend kids!!! I hope you all tune in on Sunday 4PM Eastern, 1PM Pacific time as I will be in the stadium squeezing a CHARGERS fan into submission by administering the FIGURE FOUR LEGLOCK!!!  Go J-E-T-S!!! JETS! JETS! JETS!  I'm behind you all the way!

***Sidenote: If you're not too busy on Saturday night, cheer your asses off for the Baltimore Ravens as well!***

I AM AMAZED...

How quickly time passes, yet when you haven't seen a good friend in ages, it seems like only a few minutes have gone by.  The only difference is now some of us have pot bellies, boobs, legs that go up an make an ass out of themselves, beards, homosexual tendencies and receding hairlines.  Some people come in and out of your life, others you meet, make a strong connection with and still somehow you manage to lose touch.  They were your friends, but just for a short period of time.  It doesn't make them any less important; they just weren't your REAL friends.  That's life for you.  The ones who are, even if you don't see them regularly, keep in touch no matter what.

Last week a friend of mine was in town from Texas.  I hadn't seen him in 14 years.  He and I met in the 4th grade.  He moved to New Jersey from Texas and was placed in my class at good old School #19.  He sat next me.  The kid was flat out obnoxious, but he was smart.  I wanted to ring his neck in the standard territorial fashion and most of the other kids would have paid to watch since they weren't so fond of him either.  After a slight altercation (in Jersey terms a slight altercation means a public MMA fight) between us, our parents made us apologize and we've been friends ever since.

During our 7 year stint living in the same neighborhood we saw a lot of each other.  I brought him into my group of friends and they soon welcomed him.  When I moved away they all stayed close.  We spent many days roaming the tracks, creating mischief, sneaking out in the middle of the night, joyriding cars without a license, and making out with girls.  Man, those days were sweet.  I moved away in 9th grade and his family relocated to Texas a little more than a year later.

One weekend I came home from boarding school and invited all my friends from the old stomping grounds over my new house.  I hadn't seen the guys in a while, so it was kind of a reunion.  We had a blast.  Not long after, my buddy moved and that was the last time I saw him... until last Monday.

When he came by, we shot the proverbial shit.  We picked up right where we left off...  Since we last saw each other; he want to College, joined the Marines, and lived all over the world.  He'd gone through some serious shit, but hadn't changed a bit.  I want to take the opportunity right now to thank that maniac for his service, because without guys like him, we'd be fucked.  So we put back a few cold ones and watched some football.  A few of my friends stopped by and nobody was uncomfortable.  It was as if my new friends all seemed to know him.  I guess my unbelievable story telling ability was behind that response.  It was just good to see him.

He left a few days later.  I may not see him for another 14 years, but it won't matter.  If that happens, I'm positive it will be like only a few days have passed, not years.  He'll always be welcome in my home.  I love keeping friendships up.  One of my other buddies from that group of kids in the old neighborhood is still one of my best friends to this day.  I see him often, even though we live on separate coasts and we wreak havoc every chance we get.

With FACEBOOK and all this other internet shit out there, you can chat with old friends, new friends and long lost family members constantly.  It's great.  I love both new and old friends and the ones I no longer see.  I love speaking with people who were just a passing face in the courtyard many years ago and beginning a new friendship with them.  How awesome is it to be able to talk with a cousin you haven't seen since your COMMUNION 20 years ago?  Pretty awesome if you ask me.

You can learn something new from the people around you everyday.  So many of them can have an impact on your life, especially when you least expect it.  This is why it's important to have a variety of friends.  It will make you brighter, happier and more REAL.  Staying in your house, hoarding shit, and isolating yourself from the world and all of the wonderful people in it is a HUGE mistake.  Sure, there are plenty of BLOWHOLES out there, but if you bump into enough people, you're bound to find at least one you like.  I know I sure have.

Oh yeah... And the Jets are my friends too... Go J-E-T-S!!! Jets! Jets! Jets!  Beat the Chargers this weekend!

I AM ABOUT TO...

Cancel my MYSPACE account.  Do people still use that thing?  Apparently they do cause my profile had thousands of views.  More people probably have read my MYSPACE page than actually read this thing.  Pathetic.  Perhaps all of the people that use Myspace are just younger than me.  I hadn't signed on to it in FOREVER.  A few minutes ago I logged on and had friend requests out the WAZOO from people I don't know telling me to listen to their music, come to their art shows, and a few teeny boppers saying they loved my profile pic.  Fucking Nutjobs.

I was thinking, "What do I need this for?"  I mean, I have a FACEBOOK account, which seems to be more than enough.  I prefer FB because there isn't much of a hassle with it.  Not much spam.  Your friends are actually, your friends.  Fewer creeps lurking and it's a great platform for my writing.  Every time I've ever logged into MYSPACE to check out someone's page, whatever song they have blasting on their profile annoys the shit out of me.  I just heard mine, which is super out-dated, but still awesome (Black Sandals by SIA).  Maybe I'm just being a judgmental dickwad and should post my blogs on MI ESPACIO as well.  We'll see.  Wait a minute... What the hell am I saying?  I thought I was canceling this bloody thing!  I believe I just convinced myself to keep it.  Fuck.  What a loser.

Anyway, the reason for this entry was to show all of you what I wrote about myself in the "ABOUT ME" section of my Myspace profile.  I guess it was my first BLOG entry if you will.  I hope you get a kick out of it... Cause I sure as hell just did.

About me: 

What you see is not what you get.  It dawned on me recently that there are a few things I have to come to terms with in order to move forward.

1.) My lazy eye may or may not become a distraction.

2.) Being a pirate is not a very lucrative profession.

3.) I'm not Jewish, or Black.

4.) It's not okay to be uninsured.

5.) Catholic priests are an enigma.

6.) Security is an illusion.

7.) Will really got married.

8.) Dying old, alone, and in the dark is a strong possibility for me.

9.) People that hate me for my brutal honesty better take a number.

10.) Waite graduated from college.

11.) It's impossible to have a conversation with someone in a full Knight suit and keep a straight face.

12.) My Father is a TEAMSTER and I'm fucking proud of it.

13.) Most people are sheep... They should read more.

14.) I've never been ice skating.

15.) The people who bite their fingernails and smoke cigarettes incessantly aren't really affecting my daily routine.

16.) Mormons are some brave mother fuckers.

17.) Apparently being a loser is cool.

18.) Just because I listen to sappy music and British pop doesn't make me gay or depressed... I think?

19.) "THE BREAK UP" is the saddest movie I've ever seen.

20.) People will do almost anything to get attention and then it all seems so clear.

21.) I realize that everyone who lives will someday die, and die alone.

22.) It's legal for MEN to wear JEAN SHORTS... And I just don't get it.

23.) Realizing how much of a loser/peasant I am for writing all of this bullshit and actually having one of these savvy self promotional friend things... Then wiping my brow in relief knowing you just read it... And wasted 60 seconds of your life.

And as a little bonus... This was my "Who I'd like to meet" section:

My Mother and Father in their PRIME... CIRCA 1963.  Someone who just gets it.  A nice girl.  Maybe LT on a BENDER back in the 80's sometime after the Giants won the Super Bowl or Joe Namath back when it was still cool to be an alcoholic and the JETS were nasty.  Someone who knows when to be quiet and when to tell me when to be quiet.  My friends from the TERRACE... Back on the tracks for an adventure sometime in the early 90's.

How do you like them apples?  I'm officially a joker.

 

I AM GETTING OLD...

My birthday was this past Sunday.  I spent it relaxing, watching football and grilling.  All I wanted for my birthday was a win from the NEW YORK JETS, which would ensure them a spot in the PLAYOFFS.  Well, they gave it to me in a big way by destroying the Cincinnati Bengals 37-0.  Sweet.  Life was good that day.  Now they have a rematch with them this Saturday in the Playoffs and anyone who knows anything about football knows it's extremely difficult to defeat a team two weeks in a row.  Regardless of what happens, I will be in their corner all the way.  Go J-E-T-S!!! Jets, Jets, Jets!!!

I remember when birthdays were a big deal.  At 13, you were pumped because it's your first year as a teenager and the first time you'll spend an entire summer first basing with another immature adolescent in a cemetery.  Then... Sweet 16 parties... You can drive... And 2nd basing is a delight (maybe more for you advanced clowns... ie ME).  And 18 made you feel like an adult cause you could buy smokes for your mom, but still couldn't drink legally... Although I'm sure you got wasted and may have even gotten laid.   Remember when your turned 21 and you took a shot for every year of your life?  And consequently you were too drunk later on to get some cheeks?  I on the other hand, was tossing shots over my shoulder like a pussy.  Then at 25, you could finally rent a car on your own to drive to Las Vegas and lose control of your already dwindling finances.  Now, at the tender age of 29, it has become just another day.

So my last year of my 20's is before me and I would be lying if I said I wasn't a bit nervous.  But that's natural, I guess.  I always figured by the time I was 30, I would have it all figured out.  Now staring down the barrel of the BIG 3-0, I realize I'm far from it.  But hey, I'm not 30 yet.

Most of my friends are married or engaged and the ones that aren't are well on their way.  The married guys are either expecting children or changing diapers as we speak.  The engaged ones are sitting back watching their wives-to-be plan their weddings.  That's some REAL LIFE shit right there.  I'm over here planning where to watch the JETS game this Saturday.

A few weeks back I took a trip to COLORADO to visit my best friend Will, his wife, and my GODSON CHASE.  I recall a few years ago when Will and his wife (then girlfriend) were so happy.  They had just moved to Colorado.  They bought their first house together.  They could drink and hang out.  They would make dinner and simply enjoy being around one another.  Then Will poetically asked his wife for her hand in marriage and she accepted.  Everything was perfect.  After being there for a few days I came to the conclusion that not much has changed.  They're still happy... Maybe happier now than I've ever seen them.  The only difference is they have added a beautiful baby boy to their family... and they're a bit more tired than usual.  I've always admired the both of them, but sitting in their living room by myself one night in the quiet house, I became envious of their life together.  The lesson here is: Once good people who know how to enjoy their lives; always good people who know how to enjoy their lives... No matter what changes may come.

I'm a SINGLE man.  I don't really worry about that as much as I do about my career.  Maybe I should since my mom said to me the other night, "You better hurry up honey, cause the window is closing on you meeting someone without kids."  I laughed and said, "Yeah, okay Ma."  Who knows?  Maybe she's right.  But right now, I'm not concerned with my personal life.  I spend most of my time wondering... Will I make it?  Am I working hard enough?  Is success on the horizon?  Or am I just waiting for the impending doom in a life of MEDIOCRITY?  Being average sucks.  I'm just doing everything within my power to avoid a situation where I have to head back with my tail between my legs like so many others that have come before me.

"My name's Keadly, Keadly Richerson.  Last week I turned 29.  I wasn't ready for it.  I haven't done anything yet.  So I made this deal with myself.  This is the year I make my MARK."  That's a little quote from 1985's "VISION QUEST" with my name and age substituted in there instead of the 18 year old character Louden Swain's (played by Matthew Modine).  I used to say it all the time, but this year... I MEAN IT.

I AM JUST REALIZING...

Another decade has passed.  Over the past 10 years there have been some great movies out there.  I know I was supposed to drop this top 10 list before the NEW YEAR, but I got busy... get over it.  So for your delight I am extending my Top 10 to a TOP 16.  Obviously this was the hardest list I've ever had to make since I love film so much, but here are 16 of my favorites... Many you might not have seen, a few you have, and probably a few you've never heard of...

16.)  LIFE AS A HOUSE (2001)  This story follows George Monroe (Kevin Kline), a divorced middle-aged man who loses his job, learns he has terminal cancer, and tries to reconnect with his troubled son (Hayden Christiansen) by spending the last summer of his life building a house with him.  I'm not usually a fan of Hayden Christiansen, but in this film his whiny disposition actually works.  Not a dry eye in the house during this one.  Jenna Malone, Kristin Scott Thomas, and Mary Steenburgen are all fantastic costars.

15.)  HIGH FIDELITY (2000)  How about a movie about TOP 5 lists?  In this winning comedy, John Cusack plays a record store owner who gets dumped by his girlfriend.  And as a last gasp effort to get her back, he goes back over his top 5 girlfriends ever in an attempt to understand why he can't make a relationship work.  It's hilarious and close to home.  Jack Black, Tim Robbins and Todd Louiso will crack you up.  I promise.

14.)  KISS KISS BANG BANG (2005)  This film is flat out hilarious.  It's an old school murder mystery about a common thief (Robert Downey Jr) who is always in the wrong place at the wrong time.  While on the run after committing a petty crime, Downey Jr stumbles into an audition and the producers of the film want to cast him.  They love him so much that they fly him out to LA to meet a Private Detective who will help him get into character for the part.  From there on out he runs into his childhood love, meets some interesting people and gets entangled in a murder mystery.  It's great for shits and giggles.  You can't go wrong with Downey Jr, Val Kilmer, Corbin Bernsen, and Michelle Monaghan... who happens to be one of the prettiest women to walk the face of the Earth. 

13.)  VANILLA SKY  (2001)  Cameron Crowe directed this remake of the Spanish film "ABRE LOS OJOS" (Open Your Eyes) amazingly.  It's a doozy.  To me, it's the most underrated film of the decade.  Most people don't like it because they don't understand it.  Tom Cruise is a delight as David Ames, a magazine mogul in his 30's who inherited his fortune when his parents died.  His seemingly perfect life is literally flipped upside down one night when he meets the woman of his dreams and spends the entire night with her.  The next morning the other woman he's sleeping with (Cameron Diaz) commits suicide by driving them off of a bridge.  Ames survives with his face disfigured, but he finds it very hard to move on with his life.  Watch this movie at least twice and don't take your eyes off of the screen... Otherwise you'll miss something very important.  Jason Lee and Penelope Cruz also deliver in this psychological drama.

12.)  JOYEUX NOEL (2005)  This foreign film (French I believe) is told in many different languages, including French, German, and English.  The story is set in France on Christmas Eve in 1914 during the height of World War I.  Soldiers from opposing sides decide to put aside their differences, play soccer, and bury their dead together for one night.  It's a touching and beautiful story of love and the human spirit.  It's a real reality check.

11.)  THE WACKNESS (2008)  It's a story about a young outcast drug dealer, set in 1990's Manhattan, who seeks help from one of his clients... a therapist (Ben Kingsley).  When the youngster graduates from high school he falls in love a promiscuous girl and his life goes straight down the shitter.  Sound familiar?  Thought so.  The film is surprisingly moving, heartfelt and quite funny.  The 90's backdrop and soundtrack provide hip hop music from it's pinnacle.  And Sir Ben Kingsley is at the top of his game with his particularly off beat performance.

10.)  LET THE RIGHT ONE IN (2008)  At first, I didn't give this film the respect it deserved, but when I watched it a second time I saw the beauty and genius that was beneath the surface.  It's a Swedish film about a young boy who's constantly bullied by his classmates.  One night he meets a young girl who lives in his apartment complex. She protects him and they slowly become friends and eventually fall in love.  The only problem is; she's a vampire.  Don't miss this one.

9.)  BATMAN BEGINS (2005)  The caped crusader came back in a big way during the 2000's.  He was brought to us in a different light in this dark tale.  Truthfully, there's barely any light here.  This story follows Bruce Wayne from the beginning and how he became what he was destined to become... A keeper of the peace, a misunderstood vigilante who helps authorities restore a city falling apart at the seams, and a masked man.  THE BATMAN.  Most people feel its sequel, "THE DARK KNIGHT" is a much better film because of Heath Ledger's turn as the Joker (which was unbelievable), but I adamantly disagree.  This story is much stronger and digs way deeper into the origins of a superhero than any other film I've ever seen.  Christian Bale kills it in "Begins".  He is BATMAN.

8.)  ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE SPOTLESS MIND (2004)  Director Michel Gondry and writer Charlie Kaufman are a winning team.  Each have their own quirky style and together they have made a masterpiece.  This movie delves into relationships further than has ever been captured on film.  The story is about Joel and Clementine.  Two people who fall in love on a whim and are doomed from the start.  Clementine goes to a specialist to have all of her memories of Joel erased.  He then does everything in his power to make sure that doesn't happen.  This visually delightful tale is a MUST SEE, check that a MUST BUY.  Jim Carey is an excellent actor and this film is proof in the pudding.  Kate Winslet is awesome... as per usual.

7.)  MOONLIGHT MILE (2002) This touching tale was a star making turn for Jake Gyllenhaal and a great follow up after "Donnie Darko".  The rest of the all star cast, including Susan Sarandon, Dustin Hoffman and Ellen Pompeo, all give memorable performances.  It's about a young man that loses his fiance to a great tragedy while living at her family's house.  And he hesitates to tell them the truth about their relationship because he loves her and her family too much.

6.)  NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN (2007)  The COEN BROTHERS never fail to exceed my expectations.  These guys are the consummate filmmakers.  When I saw this one on opening night back in 2007, I was floored.  Josh Brolin immediately plunged into super stardom in his early 40's with his turn as Llewelyn Moss.  Moss stumbles upon a small fortune in drug money and then tries to flee his home town.  Before he can blink an eye, he is stalked by a cold-blooded bounty hunter, played by Oscar Winner Javier Bardem, who sported the creepiest haircut of all time in this role.

5.)  THE BOURNE SERIES: IDENTITY, SUPREMACY, and ULTIMATUM (2002, 2004, 2007)  This high octane series never lets you down.  Jason Bourne, played to perfection by Matt Damon, is a man suffering from amnesia in the first installment.  He goes on a journey to figure out who he is and how he became perhaps the most dangerous man alive and everything from the CIA to civilians to Interpol get in his way, but nothing can stop him.  I can watch these over and over again and if you have any brains... so can you.  The Bourne series proves that the action genre is not dead... And it can live on forever with intelligent stories like this one.

4.)  WONDER BOYS (2000)  Curtis Hanson directed this adaptation of Michael Chabon's novel.  It's a witty, touching and smart Dramedy.  You know Mr. Hanson from 1997's best film "LA CONFIDENTIAL".  Wonder Boys gives us Grady Tripp, a jaded writing professor, played wonderfully by Michael Douglas.  In one day, he loses his wife, learns his girlfriend is pregnant, and takes a young misguided student under his wing.  Frances McDormand and Robert Downey Jr. round out the cast in this awesome flick.  Check it out if you've never seen it; you'll be smiling for two hours straight.

3.)  ONCE (2006)  This musical delight is a love story that covers one week's time set in Dublin.  A talented street musician meets a woman of equal aptitude and they develop a special friendship, make beautiful music together, all while learning about each other.  I saw this one in the theaters 3 times and will be forever in debt to the girl that forced me out of my house on a fall night back in 2006.  I LOVE this movie and watch it whenever I'm feeling blue.

2.)  ALMOST FAMOUS (2000)  This is easily one of my favorite films of all time.  I'll never forget when one of my best friends (Seanie) came back from the theater when we were in college and said he had just seen the worst movie ever made.  That's right, he was talking about Almost Famous.  I immediately rushed to the theater in disbelief, knowing that Cameron Crowe directed this... and he never lets me down.  My life was never the same.  The film follows William Miller (based on Crowe as a teen) coming of age as he's on the road writing a piece for Rolling Stone Magazine about one of his favorite bands.  This is the best coming of age story ever told.  Crowe is a top notch writer and director and I challenge anyone to a boxing match that disagrees.  Billy Crudup, Jason Lee, Phillip Seymour Hoffman, and Kate Hudson are all at the top of their game in this taste of perfection.

1.)  MULHOLLAND DRIVE (2001)  David Lynch's masterpiece is one of the weirdest and most talked about films ever made.  I pick something else up every time I watch it.  Film students will be mulling over this one until the end of time.  Naomi Watts' creepy performance as a young naive actress made her an A-list celebrity as well as a respected actress.  Not to mention it also landed her an Oscar nod.  I can't really tell you what it's about.  All I can say is dreams can sometimes make your view of reality quite blurry.  This is probably the only movie that has ever scared the shit out of me and later made me ball my eyes out.  Be careful out there; we live in a dangerous world.

HONORABLE MENTIONS (All of which could have easily made the list): OLD SCHOOL (2003), DONNIE DARKO (2001), THE MACHINIST (2004), THE DEPARTED (2006), THERE WILL BE BLOOD (2007), SAW (2004), THE PRESTIGE (2006), IGBY GOES DOWN (2002), SAVED (2004), GARDEN STATE (2004), THE ROYAL TENENBAUMS (2001), HALF NELSON (2006), and AWAY WE GO (2009).  Knock yourselves out.  Happy New Year!!!