I AM A TOYS R US KID...

Or at least I once was.  "I don't want to grow up cause if I did, I couldn't be a TOYS R US kid!"  Remember that catchy jingle?  I do.  As a child I had everything.  Toys and trains and video games... just like the song.  I had them all.  I haven't seen any of that stuff in years.  The HE-MAN collection, the GI JOES, the TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES (I thought I was Raphael), and the MICROMACHINES were among my serious collections.  Also I had more baseball, basketball, and football cards than every kid I knew.  I used to rummage through the couch cushions for change to buy packs of cards from the ICE CREAM truck.  I recently wondered where all of that shit went.

I barely recall a garage sale we had when my mom was moving us after I started High School back in 1995.  If memory serves, I think some dude bought all of my TRANSFORMERS and GOBOTS (which I favored over Transformers unlike most of you bandwagon freaks).  And some woman bought all of our Star Wars toys, Castle Grayskull, and the GI JOE BASE.  I also sold some sports cards that day and a few more a month or so later including Joe Montana and Lawrence Taylor's rookies.  So where did the other stuff disappear to?

I mentioned a few days back I had my new/old car shipped out here from Florida.  About a week prior to the shipment, I received a call from my MOM.  She asked, excuse me, she TOLD me, "Honey, I'm going to put a few of your things in the car before it ships off, okay?"  I said, "Sure" knowing that wasn't a question.

A few days after I got a call from my DAD.  He said, "Son, I hope you know your Mother is having me put a ton of shit in this car."  My response was, "Figures."  And we both laughed.  I then said, "What kind of stuff?"  "I don't even want to start opening these boxes, but everything looks pretty old" he replied.  So I told him not to worry about it.  I'd sort it out upon the car's arrival.

The car arrived on Friday morning.  I immediately took all of the SHIT out of the back seat and trunk with the help of some very good friends.  I placed the crates, plastic containers, and boxes in my living room and just stared at them... Completely overwhelmed.  I anxiously took off for work a few minutes later knowing there was going to be some fun stuff to find in those treasure chests.

That night I opened them up.  The first container had... The game JENGA... still missing 1 block like it did 12 years ago.  Garbage.  20 or so PEZ dispensers that MOM collected, not me.  Easy one... Garbage.  My roommate and I actually ate the ones that had unopened candy still in the packaging.  The PEZ tasted pretty good to me.  In his words, "Damn these are good, but they taste like an old lady's house."  Sorry Mom, I think you look great!  You can scold him the next time you see him. A yellow STOP sign popped up next.  I remember it being on my brother's door and eventually on mine.  It was probably over 30 years old.  Garbage.  Picture albums filled with awesome memories came next.  My elementary school track team pictures were inside.  My High School championship football days were well documented and there were also some pictures of my college girlfriend.  Those all got a PASS.  SAVE.  One down.

The next container had articles about my teams in High School and College.  Clippings of Touchdowns and pictures in the paper... The ALL STATE TEAM.  SAVE.  Underneath those were some college text books and papers I had written.  Save a few; trash the rest.  My first piggy bank (which was actually a monkey in a cage).  I busted that thing open and all I found was about a dollar in pennies, 500 pesos, and a fake 100 dollar bill.  Fuck.  Garbage.

Then beneath that horseshit... Baseball, football, and basketball cards GALORE.  Jackpot.  it was like being in a sports collectibles shop.  Memorabilia everywhere.  Signed baseballs.  Plaques I received while playing college football.  An MVP award from High School.  I even had a signed football from when I was 9 or 10.  It was my first season playing full contact football and we won the state championship.  The ISELIN GIANTS.  Man, we were NASTY.  My profile picture came from those days.

By the time I finished sorting through the old cards and memorabilia 2 hours had passed.  I didn't feel like messing around with the other containers, so I just peeked in one more and... BINGO!!!  HE-MAN figures... All of them.  An army of GI JOES and COBRAS.  MICROMACHINES everywhere!  This was awesome.  I wound up sitting my ass back down on the floor and playing with toys for another two hours.  By the way, this was a Friday night.  Boy do I need to get my shit together.

So I raised the question... What do I do with all of this stuff?  Every piece holds a different memory.  Each soldier has fought a battle, whether it was against a nasty COBRA or a cranky ME when I was trying to bury my JOES alive for disappointing me.  Some of the HE-MAN figures looked like the had served in NAM.  I put those guys through HELL, but surprisingly most of the others were in pretty damn good condition.  These things are so hard to let go.

I went to bed that night with a smile on my face.  Maybe it was because I had a few drinks in me, but the more likely reason was the simple fact that I had the chance to relive my childhood for a few hours.  My reunion with my plastic childhood friends was delightful, but I knew the feeling wouldn't last.  I couldn't possibly save all of these toys.  I don't have the room.  I just didn't know what to do with them.  I thought for a second about throwing them away or donating them to Toys for Tots (if they still do that?).  Then it hit me... I AM A GODFATHER... and I passed out.

The following day my best friend WILL arrived.  I told him about how my Mom shipped all of my toys out here and I wanted to give them to CHASE (his son) for when he got a little older.  We looked through a container or two and he was FIRED up.  His mom had sold or thrown away all of his toys and he always wanted to have stuff to pass down to his boy.  Now he will have that chance.  You always want your kids to have some hand-me-down toys cause they usually turn out to be the favorites and you want them to play with some of the things you had.  Problem solved.

Now I don't have to worry about them taking up half of my house and Will can store them in his basement until Chase reaches the appropriate age for each kind of toy.  He can go downstairs when the time comes instead of having to spend a million dollars at TOYS R US.  It was a good thing we had to go to SAN DIEGO early the next morning to watch the JETS or we would have stayed up all night drinking and playing WAR with GI JOES and HE-MEN.

The toys we had as children will always be a part of who we are today and they will hold a special place in our hearts forever... No matter how old you are.  So if you have the chance to give them away to someone who will appreciate them... Do it.  I guess what I'm alluding to here is... I'll always be a Toys R Us kid.

***Did I mention the JETS silenced the critics yet again this past weekend?  Well they did.  They overcame adversity once again and picked up a HUGE VICTORY in the AFC DIVISIONAL PLAYOFFS this past SUNDAY against the Chargers.  Off to INDIANAPOLIS this weekend for the AFC CHAMPIONSHIP game against the Colts!  It should be a great one.  Best Offense vs. Best Defense.  One more Gang Green!  We're with you!  J-E-T-S!!! Jets! Jets! Jets!***