I AM CAUGHT...

In the BLACK HOLE known as a "SLOW WORK DAY".  There's no life here.  No oxygen.  No one I can call.  No response from the insurance bastards about my car.  Everything is moving in SLOW MOTION.  No one can SAVE me.  Not even BACTERIA could survive on a day like today.  I feel like I'm the only living thing on the planet right now.  It's comparable to how it felt to be in last period back in school.  It's 2:59pm on a Tuesday and I'm counting the seconds until that final bell rings.  Remember those days?  Man, I hated LAST PERIOD.

Staring at the clock is a DISEASE for which there is no cure.  I think I'd rather have IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome).  At least then I'd be in the bathroom passing both wind and time.  I always thought once I finished my schooling I would never again have to stare at a clock waiting for things to end.  Boy, was I wrong.  

If there's a clock on the wall at your place of employment, or unemployment... You're pretty much FUCKED.  Nowadays all computers have clocks on them, so we're screwed.   Those SMUG clocks in the upper right hand corner just winking at you all day with that shit eating grin... Makes you want to commit a felony.  I don't remember computers having the time on them when I was playing Oregon Trail in my 2nd Grade Computer Class.  Sorry Mom and Dad... I know you have nothing to compare this to, but I'm pretty sure your childhood involved people teaching you how to make fire and use the SUN as a clock.  Thanks guys that was really helpful.

If you regularly wear a watch, you're classy, but you're DOOMED.  Looking at that thing a billion times a day would break my neck... Or be great exercise.  A watch is only effective when you're at a party or a bar.  In that case you can check it to see how much time you have left to make a move... On either another human being to your liking or on to a late night food joint of your choice.  Honestly, I don't know how FLAVOR FLAV hasn't committed suicide with that fucking ridiculous CLOCK around his neck.  I guess he can't see the time unless he looks in the mirror.  And in the shape that dude's in; I'd strongly recommend he didn't.

Have you ever felt like you'd done a million things at work, then looked at the clock, and the day isn't even close to HALF over with?  I have.  Damn, that's frustrating.  This is when you usually begin to question yourself.  For example, "WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE?"  "Do I really work here?"  "How OLD am I again?"  "Am I really losing my hair?"  Then you start to float off a bit and other questions rush into your head.  "Why does that one BUM walk up and down Melrose swinging at air and screaming at the top of his lungs?"  "Where is his family?"  "Is that going to be me in 2 years?"  "Maybe.  I hope not.  Definitely not.  Definitely a possibility."  And "Why do I work in a gallery/toy shop and look like a LUMBERJACK?"  

How about the flip side of that coin... When you actually have to get something done?  You sit down to start a project, start working hard, and all of a sudden...  Take a peek at the clock... TIME'S UP!  So how should we do things and do them efficiently?  Quickly?  Slow and Patiently?  Rushed?  How the fuck should I know?  I'm just a pawn in a shitty board game.  All I do know is one must pace himself in order to be successful.  At the same time I recommend getting on your HORSE because opportunities disappear as fast as line of BLOW in front of Kelsey Grammer's face during the CHEERS years.  That rhymed.  Time is the bane of my existence.

You know when else this happens?  When you're doing something you enjoy.  When you're spending time with someone you actually like (i.e. Winnie Cooper, Marissa Cooper).  When you're at a party.  When you're at the beach.  Time moves at the speed of light during leisure activities.   That sucks.  I wish it would move at the pace of the Local Ice Cream Truck.  Then again, I hear that bell, run to grab a few bucks and by the time I get outside even that slow ass truck gets away.  I can still hear the bell though.  I want a God Damned Ice Cream sandwich!  See, that's time fucking with me.

Time is NEVER on your side.  When you're doing what it is you're supposed to be doing with your life; you want time to SLOW DOWN.  You don't want to MISS anything.  You don't want to RUSH.  Time doesn't need to fly because you want to EMBRACE where you are and what you're doing.  It's how you should feel when you're with someone you want to spend your life with.  It's how you feel when you visit your family (Well my family).  Sometimes you have to remind yourself of your PURPOSE.  What you're here to do.  And if you don't know quite yet, it'll come to you... in (that scary word) TIME.  So for me, it's TIME to SHIT, or get off the POT... Because in my experience, it's better to have tried and failed, then not to try at all... And in the meantime (I think I heard the bell... Last period is over), I'm going to disable the time feature on my laptop and rip that fucking CLOCK off of the wall.