Do I hate my life sometimes? Yes. Do I regret decisions I have made? Yes. Have I been impatient? Yes. Do I occasionally get frustrated too easily? Yes. Do I keep people at a distance intentionally? Yes. Am I afraid of failure? Of success? Yes. Finding my purpose has proven to be be quite difficult over the past few years. I sometimes forget what my plan is. Do I even have one?
This past weekend I received some bad news. A guy I went to High School with passed away. He had been battling Cancer for quite some time. He was truly one of the GOOD guys. I didn't know him as well as I would have liked because we ran in different circles. He was one of those people that seemed to always be smiling. I never met anyone that said they didn't like this guy. It's probably safe to mention that you couldn't find a soul on this planet to say a bad thing about him. Needless to say, it was sad day, even though I wasn't close with him.
A few years back I was at a JETS game. They were playing the Cincinnati Bengals on their home opener. Myself, my brother, my best buddy and three other friends all had season tickets. We were getting after it that day. My brother had made a pork shoulder that had been cooking for 12 hours (for pulled pork sandwiches) and our buddy Jimmy had cheffed up some serious ribs. It was a feast. The only thing was, my best buddy wasn't there. I'd called him multiple times, but got no answer.
About 30 minutes before the game, he showed up. I had been tailgating since the breakfast hour for this 1:00PM kickoff, so I was feeling "AWESOME" to say the least. He on the other hand, was a mess. His shirt was covered in blood. His demeanor was frightening. Once he calmed down, he explained to me he was going through some family troubles with his father. I said, "So what are you doing here man?" He just wanted to come give us his ticket and a few other tickets he got through work so that we could sell or give them away. The two tickets he got from work were 2 rows from the field behind the endzone. I was pumped about the seats since ours were in the upper deck (Note: All seats are pretty good in the Meadowlands) but at the same time worried about my friend.
I asked him if he was Okay, and he said, "Yeah man, just have some stuff to take care of at home... Do whatever you want with the tickets." This guy never missed a game, so I knew whatever he was dealing with was SERIOUS.
As I walked into the stadium among the masses I felt for my friend and thought, "What a great guy". He came all the way to the stadium to give ME the tickets. He wanted ME to see the game up close and personal. It was almost as if he felt like me being there was just as good as him being there with me. This dude is top notch. I hope everyone has a friend like him. So I walked down to my new seats wearing a wife beater, drinking a beer (typical Jersey style) all while yelling at the top of my lungs.
I arrived at my seat and immediately started screaming at the Bengals warming up on the field. Well, this time it wasn't heckling in typical Jet fan fashion... I was yelling for my friend and college teammate who at the time was the starting Free Safety for the Bengals. (He now starts for the Minnesota Vikings.)
After getting some attention from Cincinnati's defensive backs, the crowd around me thought I was a lunatic... And they weren't far off. In the middle of one of my rants about how I should be on the field playing, I heard someone behind me calling my name. I turned to the sea of GREEN and couldn't recognize any faces. Mind you, I was wearing shades and probably couldn't recite the ALPHABET or pick my BROTHER out in a two person LINEUP. (Footnote Ty)
So I turned around and focused for a second with a drunken curiosity and heard the call again. And sure enough in the row behind me and a few seats down was RYAN MCGRATH, a kid I went to Prep School with. Ryan and I were always really cool with one another back in High School. He was also a Baseball teammate of my buddy that had given me the seats. They had lost touch over the years, but were friends. Ryan told me he hoped everything was Okay with my friend and told me to make sure I said "Hello" for him. He was sitting with a few other people we went to school with, so I sat and chatted with them. He cracked me up. He told me about his college wrestling career as well as his new job coaching. It was like I'd seen him the day before, although it had been at least 5 years since we last spoke.
This kid was a GREAT athlete. Ryan excelled in Baseball and Wrestling... which he pursued at the University of Virginia and later at Rutgers. At the current time he was coaching wrestling at a school not far from my house. My brother wound up coaching at the same school the following year where they saw each other a few times. I learned a lot about Ryan that day although we only spoke for a short while. We gave each other a hug and hi-five and parted ways. I thought to myself, this was a guy I should have spent more time with.
My memory of Ryan is as follows... He was a HUGE hit with the ladies. McGrath was tall and handsome. He was intelligent. He was a great friend to so many. He was without a doubt a great son. I just wish I knew him better, but sometimes that's life, you know?
On Saturday morning, November 6th, I received a call from another old friend from High School. She told me Ryan had passed. He was just a year older than me. At the time I was watching my IOWA HAWKEYES plummet from national Championship contention and suddenly I didn't care about football. An unexplainable sadness washed over me. I worried about his family, his friends and anyone close to him. I knew he had Cancer. I'd always wanted to reach out, but I never did. There was nothing I could do. Then, everything fell into perspective. Sometimes shitty things happen to the BEST people. It's just terrible, but our time on this Earth is LIMITED. We really have to make the most of it. And from a distant perspective Ryan did just that. When I knew him, he was the kind of guy everyone wanted to be like. He was Happy... Well Liked... Respected... for all the right reasons. I know my entry may not make a difference in anyone's life, but I feel like it's necessary to say he touched everyone he knew... even those that didn't know him best.
To his family and dearest friends (Ryan Williams, Adam Boyd, Kevin Kennedy, Bracken, BJ, Chuck and the rest of the Blair Day Crew and many others I have missed)... My sincerest condolences go out to all of you. Ryan is no longer suffering. In this time of grieving, I hope you can take comfort in that. And know this... he influenced us all.
So when you're down... When you're complaining about the outfit you have on, or the fact that you can't find a job, or dishes in the sink... Cut the shit. Realize you have it good. Somebody always has it worse. Smack yourself in the face and move on. Respect those that came before you. Do something to better yourself. Spend time with your family and friends. Don't be afraid to live. Make a difference... Like Ryan did.
For RYAN MCGRATH- Rest well, my friend. You will be missed by all.
One of the greatest traits that I saw in Ryan was that he generally made the world a better place to live in. Whether it was by his work in educating kids, being a good friend, or just by making the people around him smile, he made the world that much better to exist in. Instead of going out, and intentionally trying to change the world, he just did it, simply by being himself. As you said, he was universally liked and respected, and seemed to have the natural ability to transcend social divides. He was a selfless person in a world where rampant selfishness has become the status quo. And maybe, if there is a lesson to be learned, maybe it is that we should all just put our egos away every once in a while, and do something that isn't purely based in our own self-interest. That's if there actually is a lesson in this tragedy, of course.
ReplyDeleteTo be honest though, I still can't wrap my head around the tremendous injustice of it.