Two nights ago I was doing UNGODLY things to CHER in the bedroom at the Roosevelt Hotel. She was LOVING it. I remember feeling a tad uncomfortable for a moment, then I just went for it. Wait, not in REALITY... this was a dream (or a nightmare) you sick maniacs. It was quite the romp until I suddenly woke up. I looked left... right... I giggled a bit, grabbed the remote and turned on the telly... And what movie was on? "MASK" starring Eric Stoltz as a disfigured teenager named Rocky Dennis (Remsburg). Who plays his mother you ask? None other than the free spirited CHER! Do you believe in life after love? I do.
Now last night I was dozing off to the movie "SNATCH" (keep that in mind). I kept rolling over with my glasses still on my face, so I knew it was time to call it a night. I turned off the tube and immediately drifted off into wonderland. Suddenly my Boss, my old roommate's cousin and I were arguing over driving a caravan we just bought across the country. We were standing at the dead end of ALBEE LANE. Albee Lane is the street one of childhood friends grew up on. He wasn't in the dream but interestingly enough we were in front of his house.
After the argument died down, I decided to drive the shitty pickup truck with the caravan attached out west. The skies opened up. It began to pour. I waved goodbye, hurried into the car and turned the key. The car started. Phew. I hit the gas to make a u-turn at the dead end, but for some reason I was going too fast. Somehow I lost control, so I turned the wheel and the truck began to flip. I immediately did a WALTER-LIKE (Lebowski reference for you simpletons) roll out of the car and hit the ground safely. The caravan was flopping my way. Just before it landed on me... I rolled left and BOOM! It smashed to the ground. I jumped up, made my way through the wreckage and my boss and my old roomie's cousin were standing on the front lawn of my friend's house with the entire cast of SNATCH holding up their middle fingers in my direction. I smiled. Seconds later I was wiping drool from my favorite pillow. Crazy right?
So I figured in light of my ridiculous dreams I would give you all a top ten of my most frequent dreams.
10.) I'm surfing on an IRONING board with wheels down FORD AVENUE into oncoming traffic on ROUTE 1 all while laughing my ass off. Anyone who knows those streets knows that is no laughing matter.
9.) I'm being chased by FREDDY KREUGER on the runway of an airport. I run toward the hangar and hide behind the wheels of a plane when... BANG! I take a bullet in the shoulder. I have no idea who the hell shot me. I hit the ground writhing in pain and... Freddy is suddenly standing above me screeching his knives on the metal of the plane prepared to end my life. As he leans down to chop me into bits; I pull out a DIRTY HARRY-LIKE 44 Magnum and blast his fucking head off.
8.) I'm sitting in my childhood bedroom playing the LEGEND OF ZELDA on snow day... I can see particular levels that I loved conquering (6 and 8) and I always wake up before beating the game. In real life I used to kick that game's ass. I still love it.
7.) In this one, I'm in the middle of a college football game at Lehigh and I am performing like Deion Sanders. I'm a star. I'm crushing opponents, running back every interception for a touchdown and the crowd loves me. This is way better than I actually was.
6.) I'm building a deck with my father in the backyard of my childhood home. At the end of the day, the deck is completed, my old man thanks me for my services and heads inside. I stay outside until the middle of the night and then I lay on one of the rails we built staring at the stars listening to the sounds of nature... in peace.
5.) Flying. I dream I'm flying high above the city (none in particular). Floating on I take it all in... I begin to pick up a head of steam and I can't slow down. I see dark clouds up ahead. I start to get scared. More speed. Then as I'm about to head into the black clouds... I wake up.
4.) I'm 12 years old and about to kiss my girlfriend for the first time. We're standing right before the Jewish Cemetery I used to walk through to get home. I lean in... She does the same and... WE DON'T KNOCK TEETH! And it is glorious.
3.) The sex dream. Everyone has them. In mine, I'm always intimate with people I have shared special moments with in the past. Sometimes it's a girlfriend... Other times it's CHER... and the rest are people I wish I could have had more time with. In every case the dream always ends in a good way... if you know what I mean.
2.) I'm stepping off a CURB and just as I'm about to hit the ground... I wake up. This one's always quick. It usually occurs when I doze off... At school, at work... or watching the tube on Saturday afternoon.
1.) I'm in my childhood basement. It was my favorite place as a kid. I spent long hours down there boxing with my friends, playing hide and seek, tackle NERF football and Basketball, darts, pool and raiding the toy closet. In this particular dream I get to the bottom of the stairs and stop. I reach for the light switch and only half of the lights go on. They flicker. I see the toy closet in the distance cracked open. I try to step toward it, but I can't. I cannot move forward. I'm walking in place. And that fucking toy closet keeps getting further and further away. It's as if the other end of the basement is moving. Suddenly it looks hundreds of yards away. I walk faster and make no progress. I reach out for it, but it's too far away. The only sound I hear is the furnace behind my Dad's work room. All I want is a Damn toy. Then I stop trying to move forward and everything stops. Then... I wake up.
Happy Hump Day Kids! I'm going to work on getting CHER out of my dreams and into my car!
cher ??? do you really have reaccuring dreams ?
ReplyDeletefar out !
but cher ???
necy