I AM A TALKER...

So what of it?  Maybe I talk too much.  Perhaps I should keep my mouth shut, huh?  It's possible that I like to hear the sound of my own voice.  There's a chance I'm hogging the conversation and not bringing any substance to the table.  But maybe it's YOU... Ever think of that?  Maybe you have nothing to say.  Maybe you enjoy the silence.  Maybe you're BORING.  Any chance you're jealous of someone with something to say?  Maybe you're just afraid you might say something and people will judge you for it.  Yeah, that's it.  Actually you're probably not smart enough to engage in a fucking simple conversation.

Are friends supposed to hang out in MUTE?  You want to go listen to the birds chirping?  Even they're talking.  Are we supposed to just sit there and hold hands?  I'll tell you right now, I'm not going to do that... Unless you are my BABY MAMA and we are watching a movie.  Yes, I like to speak, but I also enjoy listening very much.  If you are running your mouth for over an hour and everything you say is either FUNNY or INTERESTING... I'm fine with that.  I encourage it.

What really CHAFES my crotch is when someone isn't adding anything to a conversation AT ALL and they tell ME I talk too much.  Really?  You think I'm not giving you a chance to speak, don't you?  Not true.  You have nothing to inject.  And that's okay, but I'm guessing you're not taking in anything anyone else is throwing down.  If you did have a topic to address or your own opinion... You would make your point known.  You'd tell your joke.  Or you'd tell everyone to shut the fuck up so you could have the floor.

I'm not going to beat around the bush here... I come from a chatty family.  Most of my friends like to talk it up as well.  We all like each other and prefer to actually COMMUNICATE by other means than TELEPATHY.  If you don't like it... I don't need to be able to read your mind... TAKE A HIKE.

What's the point of being quiet?  Are you going to remember the time you and JONNY DANCEFLOOR just sat there and gazed into each other's eyes?  No.  But I guarantee you'll remember the time he told you the story about drinking a handle of JACK DANIELS and pissing the bed later that night with his fiance in it.  Yeah, I remember that one, and I remember it well.

Okay, I'm a reasonable man.  If somebody just died; I'm not doing the diarrhea from the mouth bit.  And like I said before, if a movie is playing... I'll be as silent as Helen Keller.  I won't talk to you if I see you bound to a fine piece of Literature either, but if you're reading THE ENQUIRER I may call you an ASSHOLE... And walk on by.

Now if I'm talking too much and a close friend or family member tells me to shut the fuck up... I probably will... After I tell them to PISS off.  But you know what; I can respect that.  Especially when it comes from someone of substance.

I understand the NEED for quiet time.  It's definitely not in the bedroom.  I'll take as much noise as possible in that scenario.  And you know what, I wasn't the kid in grade school getting PINCHED for talking every 5 seconds.  I know when to keep my TRAP shut.  If I'm in the company of good people, good conversation always follows.  And maybe if you think someone is talking too much you shouldn't be friends with them.  Or maybe you should LISTEN to them.  You might actually learn something.  Or maybe you should chime the fuck in and stop being a pussy.  And one last note on the bedroom... Nobody likes a DEAD FISH.  Personally, I prefer the FISH EYE.