I AM NOT MUCH OF A DATER...

And haven't been for quite some time.  No biggy.  Well, I had a couple girlfriends in High School, which doesn't really count unless you're from the MIDWEST cause those people all marry their High School Sweethearts.  And come to think of it, I had a girlfriend in College for a few years too.  But that seems like EONS ago.  Since then I've had a series of Dead-End starter relationships that have gone nowhere (all because of me I'm sure) and have done plenty of fooling around on the PATHETICALLY AWESOME single scene.  I say it's pathetically awesome because from time to time you feel like a pathetic LOSER on the journey of life all by your lonesome... Especially when you're surrounded by monogamous people.  And all of your friends that are in serious relationships enviously think your life of philandering FREEDOM is awesome.

This dating thing has been on my mind lately cause a woman recently said to me, "I think we're better off if we just stay friends."  I laughed really hard and said, "If you say so."  She was definitely doing me a favor, but I would have appreciated it a lot more if she had said, "That frozen dinner looks great, but hey, I'm no spring chicken and you're a fucking LOSER."  That would have been the greatest moment of my life.  PURE HONESTY.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining.  Being single is FANTASTIC.  It gives you the opportunity to do what everyone dating wants to do, but can't get away with it... be SELFISH.  All you have to worry about it yourself.  Your bed is YOUR BED.  You can make SHEET ANGELS if you feel like it and sleep spread eagle whenever you please.  That's the kicker for me.  Sharing your bed sucks balls unless the person you are sharing it with is a perfect fit.  And when I say perfect fit, I mean perfect SIZE.  So if they feel like laying all over you it will feel good... like the the way puzzle pieces fit together... Instead of waking up in the middle of the night with a dead arm and leg.  I really hate that pins and needles shit.  If I wanted to feel numb; I'd shoot heroin.  Maybe I'll just find a woman who likes sleeping on the couch.

I know I brought up a similar topic before about being happily unmarried, but I'm shedding light again because at some point you have to stop being single, right?  Maybe.  Maybe not.  Can you live your entire life on your own?  I'm beginning to think I can.  Why not?  I guess the fulfillment of having a partner is important.  It's healthy.  I'm just not sure how important it actually is.

Honestly, I think being single is much easier for a man.  Nobody pressures you.  Your friends don't give a SHIT about you being single.  I feel like women long for a partner and their friends don't make things any easier by flashing their diamond rings and vacations in the Caribbean with their "SWEET" men.

The difference between most men and women is simple.  Men want to PROVIDE.  Men want to be SETTLED.  Men want to feel COMFORTABLE.  They want SUCCESS.  They want MONEY.  We want all of these things before we get into a relationship.  Basically, we don't want to feel like LOSERS.  We don't want to be ashamed of having NOTHING.  Women, on the other hand, want all of the previously mentioned things, but they want to go on the long arduous journey toward success or mediocrity with us.  And we're too stupid to let them... Well I am.

How stupid is that really?  That theory bleeds of intelligence if you ask me.  Most women want stability; well not the ones on Jerry Springer, but most do.  How the HELL are you going to find stability with a starving artist type?  Unless you don't mind eating TOP RAMEN and Pasta until you're 45.  You would have to find SOME woman to be willing to go on that great adventure.

Truthfully, there are a lot of women out there willing to do this... I'm just not sure if I am willing to put them through it.  That would take a great deal of faith, loyalty, honesty, and courage.  So officially, I've been roaming the planet alone going on 7 years now.  Well that's not entirely true because I have some great friends that have been along for the ride with me.  And it hasn't been that bad.  Actually it's been quite an eventful 7 years.  So I'm going to continue to not sweat it and neither should you.  All I can be is the best that I can be... Without joining the ARMY.