I AM EATING AGAIN...

in the middle of the night.  Dumbest move EVER... and I do it more often than I'd like.  It's so unhealthy but sometimes if you've had an early dinner, and you don't snack between then and bedtime, it's impossible to fall asleep on an empty stomach.  I do think it's important to have a little nibble a few hours before you hit the hay.  A yogurt or a grapefruit should suffice, not an entire frozen PIZZA.

When you can't sleep, and you stroll into your kitchen in the middle of the night to get a snack, you never eat tofu.  You never eat a turkey burger.  You never eat a fruit salad.  You eat the fattest FUCKING thing possible... and it always hits the SPOT.  Why the hell do we do this?  Whether you're inebriated or just having a celebratory post coital bliss snack; it's ridiculous to be eating at 3am.  I have to stop or I'll be dead by 30.

The worst is when you've been drinking.  This is a rare situation when all DISCIPLINE goes out the window.  I try to avoid it at all costs but sometimes it's unavoidable when you're in a car filled with starving, drunk twenty-somethings.  

If you find yourself alone, in a cab at the JACK IN THE BOX drive thru on the way home from a night out on the town, you should seriously check yourself.  Trust me, this is not a good habit.  But I have to tell you, things are just tastier at 2:41am after a night of enjoying a few libations.  Ramen tastes like you got it from the SOUP NAZI at 1:37am, not a freeze dried SODIUM BOMB .  Wheat Thins or Triscuits are to die for at 4am.  I know for the WEST COAST folks going to J in the B around midnight is comparable to brunch at the FOUR SEASONS when you've left the bar early because you decided it was better to be fat than to get alcohol poisoning.  I recommend 2 tacos, the Chicken Chipotle Ciabatta and curly fries.  And for those back on the EAST COAST any DINER food hits the spot at 3:01am.  You start with Mozzarella sticks and a milk shake and then follow with Eggs Benny, an English Muffin, and some hash browns.  Damn, I sound like JARED... before Subway.

During these hours you can never just eat one thing... especially when you've been drinking.  And in those situations you almost always eat enough to ensure a stomach ache for the next morning.  I don't know about you, but I hate spending a whole day on the toilet.  Who the HELL wants numb legs?  I think I'm going to start leaving all kinds of HEALTHY foods out on the counter before I go out, so when I come home I'll have a shot of wheat grass and some brussel sprouts instead of eating a grilled cheese and a bag of doritos.  

That's what's wrong with our culture.  We think more is better.  Let me tell you something folks, this is rarely a good decision.  Indulging in more is only helpful in a gym or a library; not at a McDonald's or shopping on Rodeo Drive, unless you WANT to be fat and broke.