I AM FROM NEW JERSEY...

and damned proud of it.  New Jersey was one of the 13 original colonies.  New Jersey was the home of the first collegiate football game between RUTGERS and PRINCETON.  It's also the birthplace of many great talents such as Jack Nicholson, Meryl Streep, Shaquille O'Neal, and Bruce Springsteen.  Thomas Edison did some of his finest work there.  The famed show, "THE SOPRANOS" took place in the Garden State.  And the head of the family, TONY, played to perfection by actor James Gandolfini, was born and raised there.  It's the home of arguably the finest PIZZA and Bagels in the country.  Also, some of the nicest people I've ever met are from NJ.  Don't get me wrong there are DOUCHEBAGS there, and for some reason they are pinpointed in Jersey more than anywhere else... but you know what?... There are douchebags everywhere.

People are always asking me why folks from the Garden State are so proud... And I always give the same answer, "Cause everybody hates us so much."  Also people constantly want to know why the state smells so badly.  Usually when someone asks me that, I'm thinking, "Damn this person is stupid."  Yes, the state smells shitty between exits 13-15 off of the NJ Turnpike, but that's because there are so many Factories, Refineries and Plants located there making the things every other state needs and takes.  There are parts of every state that smell bad... trust me, I've been to most of them.

You know what really gets me going... When somebody from a neighboring state talks shit about NJ.  Guess what assholes from Long Island or Eastern PA... you're no different than we are and we should be sticking together.  The New Yorkers say we suck cause we don't have a pro football team, yet both teams with New York in front of there names play all of their games in NEW JERSEY.   What's even worse than backstabbing neighbors, are implants living in NYC.  These jackasses move to Manhattan, live there for 8 months and are already making derogatory comments about my home state.  You don't know what the Fuck you're talking about.  You've never even been there.  

Television Writers are always taking shots at NJ on sitcoms based in New York.  I have one thing to say to them...  FUCK YOU... and you're probably from some shithole in the midwest so... CHOKE ON IT.

I'm not sure if anyone noticed, but NJ is nicknamed the GARDEN STATE... and for good reason.  There is much fertile soil found there.  Some of the tastiest corn comes from Jersey as well as squash and beautiful tomatoes.  Blueberries, raspberries and many other fruits are grown there too...

Alright, I will stop kissing New Jersey's Horticultural Society's ass...  Let me get to the good stuff.  Now, a friend of mine sent me this little video on YOUTUBE called "GUIDO BEACH".  If you haven't seen it, please do so.  It's this hilarious video mocking the people that hang out at the JERSEY SHORE.  After she sent it to me, she said... "That's you and your cousins!"  She couldn't have been more wrong, but I still laughed my ass off.

If you go to the particular beach depicted in the "Guido" video, yes you will find a plethora of idiots.  They are what gives US a bad name.  Please understand that those people DO NOT represent the entire state.  There are NORMAL people in New Jersey.  And what kills me, is most of those rejects and their families probably originated in Staten Island or Queens.  Damn those people are ridiculous...  Beyond that one nightmare... there are many other beaches at the Jersey Shore that are beautiful and filled with regular folks.  For example, Long Beach Island is a great place to relax and get away from the typical Jersey tomfoolery.  Ocean City is another spot where the gelled-hair population is low.  My point being... you don't have to go to the beach where all the assholes hang out.  Surprise, it's not the only one.

What I will not argue, is that there are a great deal of Guidos and Guidettes in Jersey, not all of whom are bad.  What can I tell you... There are a lot of Italians back EAST.  And guess what shit talkers from CALIFORNIA and everywhere else, that means we have better PIZZA and Italian food than you have without question.  You guys have the Armenians (sorry Sako, I love you, you're excluded) and the Persians which aren't that different than the silly Guidos in New Jersey...  They all act the same at clubs.  They're all really hairy.  They all wear too much cologne.  Only difference is, every once and a while you'll catch a Persian dude wearing a SPEEDO at the beach.  Vomit.  Do you hear us talking shit about those guys?  Nope.

There are also a ton of JUICE-HEADS (roid raging freakshows) in Jersey.  And if you think there aren't any Meat-heads on the sauce out here... take a bike ride from Manhattan Beach to Santa Monica... stop off in VENICE along the way and you'll see plenty of Roided-out maniacs doing curls on the beach.  Some of them are even roller blading... ewf.  Regardless, these guys are nuts on both coasts.

I challenge anyone to take a REAL visit to NJ.  See the Northwestern part of the state in the fall.  Drive down the shoreline in the summer... stop for an Italian Ice at Strollo's Ligthhouse in Long Branch, followed by a hot dog from the Windmill, then head south until you hit AC.  There are beautiful beaches all along the way.  I know you may be shaking your head, but trust me, you actually do have to see it, to believe it.  It truly is a nice place.  

So I guess what I'm saying is don't judge a book by a couple of pages... Read the whole fucking thing before you go writing a review.  There's bound to be beauty in it.  New Jersey has many beautiful places and a ton of history behind it.  Everyone I know from my beloved state has a strong sense of family, which is a hell of a lot more than I can say about most places... especially here.  Yeah NJ had a GAY Governor come out of the closet while in office cause he got pinched... So what.  Yeah we have chicks with big hair and dudes that drive TRANS AMS... So WHAT...  Yeah Tom Cruise went High School in North Jersey.  So what.  So before you start running your mouth about the GARDEN STATE, take a look at your own state... It probably isn't perfect either.  

  

New Jersey is an awesome place to live.  It's an extremely hard working state.  It's also a great place to raise your kids (if you don't want them to be soft).  I know you're probably thinking, "Why doesn't this jerk go back then"...  Well, I'm here for a reason and I may never leave.  I love my life here, but someday I'd like to go back.  I refuse to jump ship until I accomplish what I came here to accomplish.  If I can afford a life of luxury, I'd like to keep a place in NJ and Cali.  Ah, a boy can dream, can't he?  All I ask in the meantime is... Love thy neighbor, be careful when passing judgement, and stop HATING on New Jersey... Until you've ACTUALLY been there... not just driven down the Turnpike.