I AM A MOMMA'S BOY...

and have no problem admitting it.  I'm not talking about the serial killer or, to be more specific, a John Wayne Gacy-esque type of momma's boy, but more of just a kid that loves his mother.  I talk to my MOM almost everyday... if I can.  We simply shoot the shit about everything... the weather, chicks, my Dad, my brother, and cooking are a few topics we touch upon.  Honestly, we are just really good friends.

It wasn't always like that you know; there was a time when she was just my MOM.  When you're a kid, your parents are supposed to guide and teach you about life from their experience.  They let you know what's right, and what's wrong.  They love you unconditionally, if you're lucky, and instill the fear of GOD in you.  My Mom and Dad did all of that.  If you're not afraid of your parents when you're growing up, there's something wrong.

As a child, my Mom was around a little more than my Dad because he worked long hours during the week.  My mother worked while we were at school and used to get home not long after we did.  Now I'm not saying my father was absent, because he was NOT... He was always with us all weekend (my mom worked the night shift on Friday and Saturday) and he never, I mean never missed any of our important school functions or sporting events.  Even at that tender age, I realized that my parents were busting their asses to give us a better life.  And I appreciated it very much... Still do.

My father always told us to respect our mother.  We were never to curse around her.  We were never allowed to wear hats at the table or around women in the house... ever.  He always told us to carry things for her and open the door for her whenever possible.  He was basically teaching us that until we were married, the most important woman in the world is your mother.  I never argued that.

Don't get me wrong, my parents are not perfect.  They had their problems over the years, but it never affected how they treated us and even when they had problems they always respected each other.  My Mom was always available to us.  She always welcomed a good conversation and because of that I was never afraid to open up to her.  It's been really easy to talk to her for as long as I can remember.

When I was younger, a close family friend was having relationship problems.  Most of his problems were obviously caused by him.  He was abrasive, yet standoffish and had serious intimacy issues.  I liked this guy very much and couldn't understand why he couldn't keep a woman.  So I asked my Mom what she thought his problem was.  She said... and I will never forget this, "Remember this honey, as a man, you can never truly love another woman and treat her the way she deserves to be treated unless you whole heartedly love and respect your mother."  That statement really hit me as I was already in love with 20 different girls at school.  So I made it a point to try and be the best son I could be and to love her more than I already did.  The fact of the matter is, this didn't do me any harm with the ladies.  Women like men that have good relationships with their mothers.

Over the years I've noticed friends having constant problems with their girlfriends.  Some of the issues were normal, but in certain instances I wondered why they had these problems.  Some of the girls they were dating were fantastic, yet my friends were not satisfied and were always miserable.  So I started to observe them closely when they were around their mothers.  A few of these guys cursed at them, constantly disrespected them and their fathers just stood by and said nothing.  Not only would my father have kicked my ASS up and down WALL STREET; he would have made me apologize and then sentenced me to 30 days in solitary confinement like Tim Robbins in "The Shawshank Redemption" after he played that Italian lady's music.  So it's safe to say I never disrespected my Mom.  My father is a very intimidating man.  He was the warden... of HIS HOUSE.

That's the problem with kids these days... No RESPECT.  No respect for their elders.  No respect for their peers.  And no respect for themselves.  Parents are scared to give their kids a hard time.  They shouldn't be... they are YOUR KIDS, NOT YOUR FRIENDS.  You can't let them get away with MURDER, or one day they might actually be murdering someone.  I may have gotten away with more than my brother cause I was the second child, but I still wasn't allowed to do everything I wanted.  

My parents did not become my friends until my mid-late teens.  Once I had proven that I wasn't an asshole, they loosened up.  I always knew they were great people, but I never knew how good of friends they could be.  I'm so grateful for how they raised me and I hope one day I can be half the parents they are.

Today as a grown (not fully grown) man, I've come to the conclusion that I love my Mother and I avoid relationships... for now.  I have a great life.  I have great friends.  These days most of my closest friends are in healthy relationships.  Sometimes I find myself envious, but not all that often.  Recently, a lady friend of mine, told me, "You have INTIMACY issues."  And of course like the asshole I am I said, "Just because I don't want to be intimate with you, doesn't mean I have intimacy issues."  That was a real egotistical dick thing to say.  She didn't deserve that, but she also didn't have the right to assume that about me.  I have chosen to be this way.  Every now and again I let someone in... I am just very selective.  So for now I'd rather chat on the phone with my Mom everyday and hear about her life, instead of some BIRD I'm seeing on and off.

So for all of you dudes out there that are having trouble with the ladies... think about your relationship with your mom.  If you have a troublesome one, try to fix it.  Give your mom a call and say, "Sorry for giving you so much grief over the years."  And if she was shitty to you... let her know.  Don't be afraid.  Making things right with your folks always leads to something positive.