A great deal of my friends are married. It all started back in 2006. I have a tight knit group of friends from High School and College, many of which have had girlfriends for a long time. They began calling one by one with ENGAGEMENT news. Now 6 of them are married, 2 are engaged with the weddings steadily approaching, 1 already has a kid, and another has a wifey with a bun in the oven. Damn, I'm getting old.
In our culture, we view marriage as another important STEP in life. You graduate college, get a job, and get MARRIED. That's just what we do. But who says so? I mean, that's okay I guess... if you feel like conforming, but don't we live in a country where we can do whatever the HELL we want with our lives (short of robbing cars and marrying our sisters of course)?
What I don't get, is why we treat 35 year old singles like LEPERS? Is there something wrong with being SINGLE? I don't think so. It's better than getting married, having a kid, then divorced, sharing custody, having a plastic dining room set and finally getting married again to some divorcee you met during Happy Hour at TGI Fridays.
Marriage is a crazy institution. It's very difficult to commit yourself to one person for the rest of your life... or is it? I don't think it would be that hard if you found the right person. Therein lies the RUB. THAT IS THE HARD PART. Who is the right person?
I know for me, it's going to be damn near impossible to find the right one because I AM IMPOSSIBLE. I'm set in my ways. Life is a set of ROUTINES we follow to keep our sanity. I have created various routines over the years that I'm not ready to change. For instance, I like to come home after work, go for a run, chef it up, and then be alone for a few hours to read and watch TV. I like to make lists and go food shopping on Wednesdays... by myself. On Saturdays, I get up early to play BASKETBALL, then have a day with the fellas consuming assorted adult beverages. If I had a wife, would all of this be posssible? Well, with the right one it would.
I have single girl-friends my age that are constantly CHASING men. They WANT a boyfriend. They WANT to be married. They WANT to have kids. They WANT constant attention. And the worst is when they find a guy to give them attention and immediately LATCH on. You know how that ends... it never works out. Don't sweat it. Trust me, there are 1,000,000 guys out there that will give you attention... at least after a few drinks they might.
The truth is, some of these girls can't even take care of themselves. They don't NEED any of that shit. How the FUCK are you going to be in a relationship if you can't make TOAST? How the hell are you going to make a good partner if you can't even keep your house clean? How can you PROVIDE for a family, if you can't even keep a steady job? What you NEED to do, is take care of #1, so if the opportunity for a real relationship ever presents itself, you will be READY. This is exactly what I'm doing... All the while knowing it's okay to be single... and embracing every minute of it.
When I go to these weddings, my friends wives say to me, "When are you going to settle down?" Or "Why don't you have a girlfriend?" I've never understood these questions, but I always say, "I'm taking care of myself first before I bring anybody on this upside down ROLLER COASTER RIDE." My life is good, not great, but really good. I'm happy. I have a job, which is more than a lot of people can say at the moment. I'm writing, not well, but at least I'm writing. And I'm pursuing a career I actually want and there's no reason to rush into anything... especially when I'm on my way. Whether I'm on my way to owning a mansion in BEVERLY HILLS or living in a HOMELESS SHELTER in Cleveland, Ohio, has yet to be determined, but at least I won't be bringing anybody there with me.
This is something a lot of people need to read, good thoughts....enjoy your posts.
ReplyDeleteA good friend once told me he'd get married once he asked all his married friends (that he trusted) how awesome marriage was.
ReplyDeleteHe's still single.
My guess is if you asked your buddies they would likely say the same.