I AM WALKING OUT OF AN AUDITON...

the other day feeling relieved and unnerved at the same time.  Relieved it's over... And unnerved because you never really know how the HELL you did.  If anyone has ever been on an audition, you know what I'm talking about.  You walk into a room with 5 or 6 people in there just waiting for you to begin acting so they can JUDGE you.  If you think acting is easy... you are dead wrong.  Being an actor is ridiculously difficult on the mind, body, and soul.  And AUDITIONING is the hardest part.

Why do you think many actors are anorexic, insecure freak-shows?  It's because they are asked to do what the kids on American Idol do, but in a 12 x 12 room that's hot as shit and it's not being broadcasted.  These rooms could make Bear Grylls claustrophobic.  And everyone in there is trained to HATE you before you even open your mouth.  They're like TERMINATORS, if you will.  I only compare this to American Idol because although it's one big audition, those kids that get past the screeners that we see on TV have already won.  I'm not saying it's easy for them, cause it's not, but THEY ARE ON TV.  They are getting the chance to do their thing on camera in front of MILLIONS of people.  Yeah, there's a camera in the auditioning room when you are reading for any part, but only 6 or 7 people are going to see it.  If 1 person likes you, and 6 don't... you're fucked.  At least on AI we can vote for those wackos.

Let's jump back a little bit so I can enlighten you on what happens prior to getting INTO THE ROOM.  First, they send you the script and SIDES for the audition.  SIDES are excerpts from the script that contain your lines... like an important individual scene that you will be reading in the room.  They usually send these a couple of days before so that you can prepare.  So you go over your lines with a scene partner or anyone at home, or in the mirror... whatever floats your boat until the day of judgement.  On that day you carry your sides around at work (if you're me) or in a Starbucks if you are a spoiled brat (don't worry I realize you're just luckier than me if this is you... I'm just jealous).

It's now time to mentally prepare yourself, or what we like to call getting into character, which is not and easy thing to do when you are changing in the bathroom at work 20 minutes before while reading the sides.  

Okay, so then you head over to the place where they're holding the auditions.  Once you get into the waiting room, you usually feel like an ASSHOLE because there are 12 other guys in there dressed just like you.  Even worse is that they all look like YOU, or some variation of you.  Well this makes sense because there's a reason they brought these people in... because they LOOK the part.

So you sign in and sit down.  And you WAIT... and then you wait a little longer until they call you in.  You watch your competition go in and out of the room swiftly.  Some are in there for longer than others.  At this point, I like to put everything out of my mind.  I try to stay in character the whole time I'm there, but there can be distractions...

The worst part about being in the waiting room is everyone else knows each other.  They don't know me, but it seems like they all know each other.  It's like nobody even cares about this particular part.  I'm in there thinking... this is ALL I care about right now.   Nothing else matters... like the Metallica song.  Great song.  These guys are all talking about the last audition they saw each other at... the last commercial they did... or the last guest star they had on CSI: MIAMI for Christ's sake.  Gimme a break.  I wish there was a SILENCE rule in the waiting room.  

When I hear these guys talking, I always wonder... Do any of these kids have jobs?  Who's supporting their dream?  Maybe they work a lot as actors?  Maybe they're SLASHERS?  Slasher is a term used for those who are ACTORS/WAITERS.  Waiter can also mean bartender or host at some schwanky restaurant.  There are a ton of them out here.  Maybe they're just like me... who knows?

I mentioned before that the other actors don't know me in the waiting room.  I have seen other people I know on occasion, but it rarely happens.  I say that because I don't have the luxury to go on as many auditions as I should because I have a FULL TIME JOB.  You see, I need a job that gives me insurance.  I need a REAL paycheck or I wouldn't be able to survive.  The only reason I have been able to live comfortably over the past few years is because of my full time job and the few movies that I've worked on.  Combining the two has allowed me to breathe.  I am supporting my dream.

Now, I'm not saying that I don't like any of this... because I actually love it.  I wouldn't be doing it if I didn't.  To me, acting... and auditioning in particular, is the ULTIMATE test of character.  Can you walk into a ROOM of Judgement under pressure an perform?  That is the question.  And how well you perform will determine your employment.  This is an anxiety filled profession that I've gotten myself into.  It's awesome when you get a part or make a film of your own and perform well in it.  Having people enjoy your performance is worth all of the struggle.  Making people laugh is the consummate payday.  Moving people emotionally is truly fucking amazing... especially when you are acting as a CHARACTER on paper.  It's not exactly easy to make people laugh or cry with an on-screen performance.

Imagine getting a role in 100 million dollar film.  And yes you may be getting paid a ridiculous amount of money for it, but you are still asked to perform at a high level with other people's money on your shoulders.  That's a lot of pressure.  Ask anyone who works in Portfolio Management or some form of banking what kind of pressure they face... Why do you think those guys are jumping out of windows?  Dealing with other people's money is crazy and that's all the entertainment industry is based on.  The only difference is that WE are here for YOUR entertainment.  Remember that when you are saying Brad Pitt sucked in a film.  Perhaps he was trying his hardest for YOU to enjoy the movie, not just trying to pick up a quick paycheck.  And don't forget there was a time when guys like him had to stand before the counsel of DEATH and have every inch of them judged.