I AM DAMAGED GOODS...

That's right, I said it.  Maybe some of you should admit that you're not a member of the Brady Bunch and life would be a lot easier for you... and me.

If you're not damaged goods, what good are you?  Boring for one.  Full of shit... perhaps.  Or just a simple, old-fashioned liar.  Have you ever met somebody that was perfect?  Yeah, me neither.  Well, how about someone that pretends to be perfect?  These people are ridiculous.  They think they're so fucking COOL.  They probably have all of their pets buried in their backyard right next to the family they just murdered.

What makes someone cool?  What the hell does being "cool" even mean?  The definitions of cool in the dictionary are as follows, "moderately cold, neither warm or cold... not excited, calm... not hasty, lacking in interest or enthusiasm... lacking in warmth or cordiality... aloof or unresponsive, indifferent... unaffected by emotions."  Those were just a few examples.  There are many more, trust me, look it up.  But since when is being unresponsive cool?  So if I ignore you, am I cool?  If I'm dead, am I cool?  Since when is lacking warmth or cordiality cool?  Since when is trying to act like your favorite celebrity cool?  (Sorry, couldn't resist).  I sound like I'm describing an asshole, right?  This whole idea of "cool" really sucks.  I'd like to dig up the human being that starting using this word to describe someone that is better than somebody else, and punch him in his skull.

So many characters out there are strutting their stuff like they're God's gift to the world.  Well, I'm a non believer so you're just another product of a broken prophylactic in my eyes.

Today, these two Tackleberries come into my shop wearing big, dark sunglasses and designer clothes.  I say, "How are you guys doing?"  The one guy in the aviators looks back at me and says, "SUP."  I wanted to strangle him with the mouse cord but instead,  I say, "Let me know if you need anything" as they are strolling around the gallery looking at ART with their sunglasses ON.   The other guy looks back at me through his shades and says, "We're cool."  Yeah, okay guy...  You're about as cool as colon cancer.

There are only 4 exceptions for wearing shades inside.  1) You have cataracts and or a lazy eye. (And I don't mean a drunk floater, like a real, full blown lazy eye).  2) You are 137 years old.  3) You are wasted or hung-over and smell like a wine tour bus.  4) YOU ARE JACK NICHOLSON... cause he can do whatever the hell he wants.  The guy is awesome.  That's it.  Sorry, Kanye.  Take off your fucking shades.

Why can't everyone just relax?  We're all going through the same shit.  If everyone just took a step back and stopped trying to impress everyone else, the world would be a much better place.  I'm guilty of this.  We all are.  But I want to change.  I've thought I was cool, but I've also felt like a loser at times.  And you know what, I've had my heart broken and have also shattered a few hearts along the way.  That's normal.  That's living.  That's cool.

To me, you're cool if you are generous, selfless and flat out friendly. Good listeners are cool.  Funny people are cool.  People that work hard are cool, not some moderately cold, unenthusiastic, emotionless, indifferent, impudent prick.  What the commoners think is "cool" is now STANDARD.

So be different.  Be nice.  Don't flick off old people just cause they are driving too slow.  Be patient.  Act like you care.  Protect yourself, but don't be a douche bag.  Only be an asshole if you have to.  I say that I am a dick, but there is a time and a place for it... just like first basing.  Be honest, and people will respect you more... cause being "cool" just isn't that important... or that "cool" anymore.