I AM NOT BITTER...

Just a little salty.  I have a great outlook on life.  I love watching bums at intersections begging for food in their Veteran's jackets.  I love hearing about the newest terror threat on the good old U.S. of A.  I love that there are more people out there reading the BIBLE than "The Catcher in the Rye".  I love reading about a recent hate crime on some poor high school kid that was beaten to death by classmates because he came out of the CLOSET.  I love driving down the freeway and noticing a sign flashing "CHILD ABDUCTION" "WHITE TOYOTA CAMRY" "License Plate # SCUMBAG1".  Criminals are always driving a Toyota Camry.  It really must be the most popular car in America... at least for pederasts and kidnappers it is.  

Recently, it has been brought to my attention that I am a CYNIC.  I can't help that there are a great deal of assholes out there.  If disliking people that are phony, inconsiderate, and selfish makes me cynical, then so be it.  It doesn't sound like such a bad title to me.

I left a bar the other night with 4 friends after a couple of beers and some good conversation.  While we were walking back to the car, a cab flew by with a bunch of dudes in it.  A guy screamed out the window, "FUCKING FAGGOTS!!!"  Mind you, I was with 4 guys and 1 girl, but none of us were wearing ASSLESS chaps.  We weren't dressed like transvestites.  We weren't holding hands, wearing lipstick (maybe some flavored lip balm, but it wasn't me I swear) or blowing each other on the sidewalk.  We were just walking.  My initial reaction was to chase the cab down, rip each one of these Gold's Gym going, striped shirt wearing crackers out of the car and beat them to a bloody pulp with a fresh copy of the King James Bible.  Then it occurred to me... these people are just sad, unintelligent human beings.

For the record none of us were gay, but it didn't matter... my blood still boiled.  I wanted to yell back, but I didn't.  What would make someone want to yell such hateful things out of a window to people they don't even know?  And even worse, they did it like cowards speeding down the street.  Well, I know it was good idea for them because if they were on foot, I may have not been able to control myself and they would've received a classic ass whooping.  Even then, nothing would have come of it except for a few bumps and bruises.  They simply weren't worth the time or the energy.  Instead, my friends and I laughed really hard at these bottom-feeders.  There were even a few cabbies standing in a parking lot just ahead, and one of my friends said to them, "Were they talking about you guys?"  And they laughed along with us.

What I've realized is that there are a lot of stupid people out there.  A few years back, I would have chased that car of poorly raised dipshits for 5 miles looking for a fight.  I know now only an idiot would shout such nonsense out of a window.  And only a bigger idiot would stoop to their level and go after them.  Maybe if these sorry bastards stayed in on a weeknight and read a BOOK instead of trolling in bars to find some senseless SLOBONE (noun. used to describe a loose female dumb enough to associate with one of these paupers) to take home, they would learn something about this world and the people in it.

I love my life, but sometimes it saddens me to realize there are folks out there that hate themselves so much, they feel it's necessary to hate others.  It doesn't matter if you come from a shitty family, or a town full of simpletons... cause you don't have to be like them.  It's no excuse.  That's the beauty of this life; you can be whoever you want to be.  If you want to be an asshole that's fine, I'd just prefer you kept it to yourself.  CLOSETS were made for a reason... for STUPID ASSHOLES... not faggots.