Nobody gives a shit what you're talking about. Don't laugh and yap on your cell about how "cool" your night is going to be (with your Natty Light drinking pal on the other end) in line at Banana Republic. YOU ARE NOT THAT IMPORTANT. This drives me to the brink of insanity. Are you the head of Homeland Security? Are you the Prince of Persia? Are you Brad Pitt? If not, tone it down, pal. I should have added this to my personal space entry cause if your NOISE is invading my area, I want to drink a HEMLOCK cocktail right after I KARATE chop you in the neck.
Cell phones RULE our culture. They pretty much run our lives. It's quite sad actually. We don't have any privacy. People can reach you anywhere at anytime with these damn cell phones. If you take a little field trip to a local mall or simply walk down any MAIN street in America... every other person is talking on their phone. It's crazy. Can't we just go for a walk without someone bothering us? Nope. I guess you can leave your phone at home, but no one does cause we don't want to miss out on anything. It's because cell phones are more ADDICTING than Heroin... or Parliament Lights.
I'm trying to remember what it was like before we had these pocket-sized drill sergeants. When I was a kid, my folks got us a separate phone line in the house. My brother and I were so excited to never have to worry about MOM picking up the phone while we were in the middle of whispering sweet nothings to our girlfriends. It was amazing. Now, I don't even have a HOUSE PHONE. Do people still have those? My Mom does... without call-waiting of course.
My cell phone is always with me and sometimes I want to beat the SHIT out of it... especially when I'm in the car and that sucker rings. It makes me nuts. I have one of those headphones that you connect to the phone and it's never plugged in when it rings. I never want to pick it up with my hand because it's illegal and I refuse to use the BLUE TOOTH thingy. Personally, I want to SLAP everyone in the face with a leather pair of ISOTONERS that has one in their ear... Salesmen in particular.
How about this "Hands Free" Law, which states that you cannot hold your phone up to your ear while driving, nor can you text. I'm so glad they passed this law, cause NOBODY fucking follows it. Driving to work in the morning, I see these cell phone VIGILANTES all over the freeway. Everyone is chatting away, not focusing on the road... running over bottle caps and babies. I'm thinking, "Who the HELL are these morons talking to at 7am?" Nobody I know is even awake. Maybe I'm the only idiot who follows the law in my car, but I know as soon as I answer the phone and put it up to my ear... I WILL get pulled over.
Life used to be so simple... We had HOUSE phones and people could only reach you when you were at HOME... No Jackasses were walking around with that stupid JETSON-LIKE thing in their ear... No LOUD talkers in line at CVS... No dogs wearing sweater vests and cooler shoes than me walking next to their collagen filled mommies with cell phones super glued to their faces...
So the next time your phone rings and you are in public; be considerate of those around you. Don't drop F BOMBS near a nice lady and her 4 year old in line at the movie theater. Don't talk about how wasted you were last night in front of an 80 year old man filling his prescription of CIALIS at Rite-Aid. Do us all a favor... ignore the call. If you must pick up; tell your stupid butt-buddy you'll call him back. If it's an emergency, take the call, but excuse yourself... nobody wants to hear your business... especially when it's about the nice guy you met last night that's banging a different girl right now. You're life is just not that EXCITING. If it was, I'd be reading about it in the NEW YORK TIMES or PEOPLE MAGAZINE, not listening to it in line with basket full of groceries.
pocket sized drill sergeant....brilliant
ReplyDeleteI find it interesting to read this blog you're putting together.
ReplyDeleteSo far, you have presented yourself as a something of a ponderer. A thinker. A contemporary philosopher of sorts. Although, maybe at times, you strive to be more along the lines of Mel Brooks's stand up philosopher in "History of the World: Part I" than the along the lines of Descartes in his "Discourse on the Method".
Sometimes, after winding your way through, you do touch on deeper subject matter. There are times for instance, when you change the scale of commentary from the simple annoyances of the guy in line at the supermarket with the phone in his ear to the overwhelming reality that cellphones are dramatically, and perhaps lamentably changing the way people communicate. It's these times when you change that scale where I find you're actually starting to say something. I mean, there have been 10,000 guys before you that bitched about the loud guy on the cell phone. There will inevitably be 10,000 more. It's not that interesting. It's repetitive. But touching on the obvious is not a completely useless thing, as it does do something for you - it gives your readers a chance to relate to you; ie: everyone hates the loud cellphone guy. Commonality - great. It gets your readers involved, which is a very important goal. It's just not original.
Of course, taken into account that you don't believe in yours or anyone else's originality, innovation may be a difficult proposition. But I don't think you really believe that.
It seems that maybe a part of you is, in the technical sense, a cynic. Mostly in the way that you seem taken to shunning a good portion of what could be grouped as "social values" of our modern society. But to deny that the "social values" which surround you don't encompass the absurd would be folly. And by shunning them, you are essentially eschewing absurdity, which may not connote cynicism, but rather individuality, and intelligence. But I don't know. I don't know you.
I see in your writing though, an underlying, and possibly unrealized philosophy of stoicism. Your writing seems, to an extent, to be somewhat meditative process where you keep yourself grounded in reality and express the negative emotions that plague your thoughts. I would suggest that you take some time and maybe read up a bit on some philosophy. You may like it.
Of course, philosophy is not funny. And to project it further into your writing could make you more insightful, or it could just make you boring. Either way, you seem to be on a journey with the simple focus of finding out who you really are, and what the point is. And it can't hurt to explore some different options.
All of the bullshit aside, the only reason I write is to wish you luck with this endeavor. I've found the path of self-discovery to be a seemingly endless, and often lonely one, but it sometimes helps to realize that you're not the only one searching for something. Which is why I will most likely keep reading.