I AM ETERNALLY GRATEFUL TO THE FIRST WOMAN THAT BEGAN SHAVING HER LEGS, UNDERARMS, AND NETHER REGION...

This was genius.  Let's begin by following the history of shaving, which was a man's idea, obviously.  This past time takes us back to the STONE AGE around 30,000 BC when Neanderthal men began painfully pulling hair from their faces with their bare hands... to attract hairy women I'm sure.  Shortly after, they began using two seashells as tweezers to remove hair from their faces.  Ouch.

As far back as 4,000 BC, women were removing hair from their bodies and making their own depilatory creams using some of these psychotic ingredients: arsenic, quicklime, and starch.  That's commitment.  Around 3,000 BC permanent shaving razors were developed.  Let me personally thank the man that began working with metal.

Then by 500 BC, ALEXANDER THE GREAT came along.  While he was taking over the world he became obsessed with shaving.  He refused to even go onto the battlefield with any hair on his face.  So with this trend to look clean underway, Roman women began removing hair from their bodies to become more attractive to men.

At the same time in Greece, women were removing hair from their legs by singeing it off with a lamp.  Damn, those were some brave broads.

A few hundred years later during the Middle Ages, women began removing hair from their necks, eyebrows, legs and arms on a regular basis.  The bald body was IN.  This was the look that had man's jaw dropping.  

Now let's jump ahead to the turn of the 19th century.  GILLETTE began manufacturing a blade that was disposable and removed hair much easier.  Shortly after WWI a young marketing executive for a competitor (genius in my mind) came up with a campaign saying that women's underarm hair and leg hair was unfeminine.  He worked for the Wilkinson Sword Company and should have been elected President of the United States, but unfortunately was not.  During the same time, in 1915 to be exact, Harper's Bazaar Magazine featured a female model sporting the latest spring fashion... an evening gown exposing her bare shoulders and underarms.  And we all love to be followers, don't we?  Brilliant.

So that was just a brief history of shaving.  Am I glad that women chose to take this to another level and start shaving their nether region?  Yes.  I would be a liar if I said otherwise, and I challenge anyone to a DUEL that disagrees.  I'm also glad that shaving has evolved into waxing and laser removal because rubbing up against razor burn and stubble sucks.

Women are the most beautiful creatures on Earth... well besides female GIRAFFES of course.  I love admiring a freshly shaven set of stems.  A smooth woman's body is to die for.  A little hair down below is nice, but an African safari is not.  If I need to bring a machete to our first real make-out session, I will probably just cut off your head.  Now some women may say, "It's my right to keep my body as God made me" or "that's sexist".  I don't believe in God, or give a shit.  If I am taking the time to groom myself for women as a traditional mating ritual, so should you.  It's important that we all take a little time to groom.  The more hair you have in an area that sweats a lot, like your underarms or crotch, the more it stinks.  Clean it up! 

 Men are hairy and disgusting creatures, but don't have to be.  Now don't all of you dudes go shaving your chest at the drop of a dime cause that's kind of gay... unless you are gay of course (body builders, weird but exempt).  I guess this rant proves my heterosexuality, but the jury's still out.